liars pleasure (a burnish)
You lie astonished in the love of you,
Your lessons of frugality fragile.
Of course the open darkness
With laughter scripts the good will
Of obedience into a mask of abundant code.
The similarities are naked; delirium
Improvising, the crumbs of our bodies
In the exact center of pregnant
Cheeks in the service of Venus; sweet
Smelling breath, pretty as
Bitter...
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You lie astonished in the love of you,
Your lessons of frugality fragile.
Of course the open darkness
With laughter scripts the good will
Of obedience into a mask of abundant code.
The similarities are naked; delirium
Improvising, the crumbs of our bodies
In the exact center of pregnant
Cheeks in the service of Venus; sweet
Smelling breath, pretty as
Bitter...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I think I might actually have a crush in the 3d world.
Odd. I don't know what to do without the computer glare burning holes in my eyes right back into my brain.
Most of my crushes here lately are online. I can sit around in paint spattered sweatpants chainsmoking with the cat in my lap, pretending that I don't have a pasta belly.
Now...
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Odd. I don't know what to do without the computer glare burning holes in my eyes right back into my brain.
Most of my crushes here lately are online. I can sit around in paint spattered sweatpants chainsmoking with the cat in my lap, pretending that I don't have a pasta belly.
Now...
Read More
gretel:
I like your work you sent me x can I be controversial and ask why in your author list Syilvia Plath is attached with a 'and' to Mr Hughes?... Plath a very much indepenent artist ( if not better in my opinion) I do belive? 
lemuria:
yes, i have a few of the flower of life books, they are soooo good. sedona arizona is a place i have visited where i found lots of flower of life info. i am level one reiki. a fun thing to have in common. i like your eating habits, or what you eat. it sounds like stuff i like too. i love those stonyfield farms drinkable yogurts too.mmmmmmm and its nice to meet you too 
a fun thing to have in common. i like your eating habits, or what you eat. it sounds like stuff i like too. i love those stonyfield farms drinkable yogurts too.mmmmmmm and its nice to meet you too notes on The Gospel of Eve
Snow white.
Ash grey.
Gods'
Little
Green
Apple. Grapple
With retaliation,
Resentment
Toward the children,
Angry at the snake.
(When "anemic" broadens
Into "spare", spaced into
Scintillation, we congratulate
Subtlety, outsize position
Into clean metaphor, boring,
Determining that stance, in part
Is being chastened by warning
Mildly mannered when bruise would do,
Shamefully tame.)
*
The lion is yawning....
Read More
Snow white.
Ash grey.
Gods'
Little
Green
Apple. Grapple
With retaliation,
Resentment
Toward the children,
Angry at the snake.
(When "anemic" broadens
Into "spare", spaced into
Scintillation, we congratulate
Subtlety, outsize position
Into clean metaphor, boring,
Determining that stance, in part
Is being chastened by warning
Mildly mannered when bruise would do,
Shamefully tame.)
*
The lion is yawning....
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
vuokko:
Haha, no, that was an accident. I'm really sensitive to certain smells, paint fumes being one of them. I get migraines. (Yet another reason I rarely use paint in my work.)
It's a piece about expectations of feminity in the workplace (BE NICE, LOOK PRETTY, DON'T PLAY HARDBALL, etc.). I'm recording myself answering calls and being really nice to assholes, then writing about it as part of an installation.
Why did Hirst get sued? I know about most of the others, but not him. I know about the art student who vandilized his work, though... gets me chuckling every time I think of it, even thought it was a cruel thing to do.
Yeah, now all I have to do is finish the piece and buy a shitload of Wild Turkey.
Lovely poem. Mind if I save a copy?
It's a piece about expectations of feminity in the workplace (BE NICE, LOOK PRETTY, DON'T PLAY HARDBALL, etc.). I'm recording myself answering calls and being really nice to assholes, then writing about it as part of an installation.
Why did Hirst get sued? I know about most of the others, but not him. I know about the art student who vandilized his work, though... gets me chuckling every time I think of it, even thought it was a cruel thing to do.
Yeah, now all I have to do is finish the piece and buy a shitload of Wild Turkey.
Lovely poem. Mind if I save a copy?
linkismyhero:
I've been recommended meditation in the past, especially as a way to deal with anxiety... I've never given it enough of a chance though, and I don't really know how.
This evening I get an email that says she's internalized the love, made a space in her heart for what we had, what we lost, and what never was. She understands, finally, that we have different ways of seeing and being in world that don't quite mesh, and that an autonomy of heart is best for this relationship, which has become a friendship of mutual...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
faye:
Thanks for your comment.
y:
Aye, it's a sad state of affairs; your government is being very childish in my estimation. America is fast becoming world enemy number one in many respects, which is a profound shame because there are many, many wonderful things about it.
Sounds like you're at a crossroads in your life now. Good thing. Don't listen to the Devil, though - he got ways to fool ya!
Sounds like you're at a crossroads in your life now. Good thing. Don't listen to the Devil, though - he got ways to fool ya!
The Roman Eagle. The Nazi Eagle. The American Eagle.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
meta:
oh, what can be said sometimes.
llona:
thanks for the meal ideas. good ones all around.
xoxo
xoxo
.
y:
Amazing. I can't tell if your poems are getting better by the day or if I'm just getting better at understanding them.
Sorry I missed your last entry - I was off in Lackwit la la land I'm sure you won't blame me for being a bit shocked at the age of your ex - I get the feeling you've been easing us in over the last week 
. But you still sound perfectly sure of yourself and what you want to do, so I feel you're as good as in the clear.
I'm glad to have someone to relate my tales of my Art School days to. I was into Twombly back then as well, and I still like him now. I actually saw an exhibition of his recent work a few years ago in Edinburgh, at Inverleith House in the Royal Botanic Gardens. It was excellent. Unfortunately I missed Schnabel's exhibition at the same place around the same time, but I found pictures of it here and they're excellent, especially those "panel" ones.
I think my art tutors stand-offishness towards me did affect me badly; I just felt distinctly unappreciated in the very environment that I, an eighteen-year-old painter, had expected to be appreciated more than anywhere else. And that's a pretty bad experience for an idealistic young artist to have. I think it really made me believe that "The World" would never care about my art, no-matter how good it was. I'm only just recovering from that belief now, and very slowly getting back to where I left off several years ago. I'm trying to trust in Providence as far as success goes; I'm just going to give myself to art as much as is humanly (and healthily) possible. I consider myself self-taught, as it goes, and I think that's maybe why my art tutors had such a problem with me - I already had significant talent when I arrived at art school, the kind of talent usually only seen in graduates and beyond; so I don't think they knew what to do with me. In trying to teach me they were essentially trying to teach someone who was already an artist; but then they refused to acknowledge my talent fully, probably through envy, so I was just stuck. It was infuriating, maddening and deeply depressing all at once; which is why I dropped out.
Anyway, that's enough purging out of me for today.
Ciao for now brown cow
Sorry I missed your last entry - I was off in Lackwit la la land
I'm sure you won't blame me for being a bit shocked at the age of your ex - I get the feeling you've been easing us in over the last week . But you still sound perfectly sure of yourself and what you want to do, so I feel you're as good as in the clear.
I'm glad to have someone to relate my tales of my Art School days to. I was into Twombly back then as well, and I still like him now. I actually saw an exhibition of his recent work a few years ago in Edinburgh, at Inverleith House in the Royal Botanic Gardens. It was excellent. Unfortunately I missed Schnabel's exhibition at the same place around the same time, but I found pictures of it here and they're excellent, especially those "panel" ones.
I think my art tutors stand-offishness towards me did affect me badly; I just felt distinctly unappreciated in the very environment that I, an eighteen-year-old painter, had expected to be appreciated more than anywhere else. And that's a pretty bad experience for an idealistic young artist to have. I think it really made me believe that "The World" would never care about my art, no-matter how good it was. I'm only just recovering from that belief now, and very slowly getting back to where I left off several years ago. I'm trying to trust in Providence as far as success goes; I'm just going to give myself to art as much as is humanly (and healthily) possible. I consider myself self-taught, as it goes, and I think that's maybe why my art tutors had such a problem with me - I already had significant talent when I arrived at art school, the kind of talent usually only seen in graduates and beyond; so I don't think they knew what to do with me. In trying to teach me they were essentially trying to teach someone who was already an artist; but then they refused to acknowledge my talent fully, probably through envy, so I was just stuck. It was infuriating, maddening and deeply depressing all at once; which is why I dropped out.
Anyway, that's enough purging out of me for today.
Ciao for now brown cow
y:
Where'd it go? 
"Roamin' Candles. Guardin' Gnomes."
*
Well, we met and talked today. For about 15 minutes.
She's in town staying overnight at her mother's, and I had done some tax receipt work for her mother, which I returned.
Immediate hug, barely a word. We held each other for a very, very long while. Tightly and warmly. We had a private moment for Illeana (We've named the...
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*
Well, we met and talked today. For about 15 minutes.
She's in town staying overnight at her mother's, and I had done some tax receipt work for her mother, which I returned.
Immediate hug, barely a word. We held each other for a very, very long while. Tightly and warmly. We had a private moment for Illeana (We've named the...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
luz:
wow, guy.
i had no idea this woman is almost sixty.
well, isn't it clear to you that she wants some resurrection of your old relationship? it seems that way to me.
but you know, i could be wrong...after all, i am judging from a blog and you are judging from your life...
but i honestly think the ball is in your court and it is up to you what happens from here, atleast mostly.
i have a tendency to indefinitely dwell on a problems/issues, for months or years even. so what i do now is assign myself, say, three days to figure out what i'm going to do, and then i make a move. you've gotta go one way or the other, for sure, and making a mistake is a risk you have take.
but i must say i do enjoy your journal.
i had no idea this woman is almost sixty.
well, isn't it clear to you that she wants some resurrection of your old relationship? it seems that way to me.
but you know, i could be wrong...after all, i am judging from a blog and you are judging from your life...
but i honestly think the ball is in your court and it is up to you what happens from here, atleast mostly.
i have a tendency to indefinitely dwell on a problems/issues, for months or years even. so what i do now is assign myself, say, three days to figure out what i'm going to do, and then i make a move. you've gotta go one way or the other, for sure, and making a mistake is a risk you have take.
but i must say i do enjoy your journal.
in_decission:
I've been reading the entries like always, not always having something to say. I don't think there's much advice to give for things like this, and it's foolish of me to attempt to in the first place. I'm really glad you are sharing this though, and at the very least I wanted to let you know I am reading and I'm always here to talk if you should ever find yourself needing broken conversation from a somewhat confused 21 year old.
More fun? It's getting to know someone worthwhile, regardless of whether it's metaphor or documentation of sorts. That's all that really matters to me, I guess.
Take care.
-Me
More fun? It's getting to know someone worthwhile, regardless of whether it's metaphor or documentation of sorts. That's all that really matters to me, I guess.
Take care.
-Me
Monarch.
Sphinx on a diet of teeth. See?
The pane was dirty
Was enigma, certainly.
I confess: Stomach says
"Butterfly"
"Incisor"
Head says "Miser"
"Queen"
Inbetween
Myselves revealed
And lucid field
A lion shivers
In the heat...
***
I found out where the sweetness and the willingness to communicate is coming from.
This week, the child we lost to miscarriage would have been born.
How...
Read More
Sphinx on a diet of teeth. See?
The pane was dirty
Was enigma, certainly.
I confess: Stomach says
"Butterfly"
"Incisor"
Head says "Miser"
"Queen"
Inbetween
Myselves revealed
And lucid field
A lion shivers
In the heat...
***
I found out where the sweetness and the willingness to communicate is coming from.
This week, the child we lost to miscarriage would have been born.
How...
Read More
y:
Jesus. You've seen a lot in your time. And you've really been through the wringer as well. Stay strong, man.
[Edited on Sep 23, 2005 4:13PM]
[Edited on Sep 23, 2005 4:13PM]
Today, the lonliness hit like a ton of bricks in slow motion.
For the most part, I do fine with this self-designed hermitage. The silence easily becomes space, and I effortlessly exist. I don't have much use for memories except to trigger actions in the present; nostalgia is a sickly surrogate for immediate emotion.
When I'm alone for so long, meditation becomes a constant. Every...
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For the most part, I do fine with this self-designed hermitage. The silence easily becomes space, and I effortlessly exist. I don't have much use for memories except to trigger actions in the present; nostalgia is a sickly surrogate for immediate emotion.
When I'm alone for so long, meditation becomes a constant. Every...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
y:
I would get back together. Or I wouldn't.
I don't think there's a right answer. Try weighing up the pros and cons of getting back together and the pros and cons of staying apart; make yourself as conscious of them as you possibly can; then decide. Then, no-matter which one you choose, and no-matter how things go from then on, you will always be able to reassure yourself that you did everything you possibly could to make an informed decision.
I've been communicating exclusively through e-mail, for over a year now, with a girl I've known on and off for ten years and have never dated. I haven't actually seen her in five years. And I can honestly say that I now love her much more deeply than I ever did before. And it's because we haven't been around each other, and there's been none of that burning passion and whatnot getting in the way. It really is extraordinary to me how much I've come to care about her just through us writing "letters" to each other.
So maybe, if you're both willing, you could do something like that. Focus on a mental/spiritual connection for as long as you can, in order to find out whether the two of you really want the same things in life.
Also, what Meta said
I don't think there's a right answer. Try weighing up the pros and cons of getting back together and the pros and cons of staying apart; make yourself as conscious of them as you possibly can; then decide. Then, no-matter which one you choose, and no-matter how things go from then on, you will always be able to reassure yourself that you did everything you possibly could to make an informed decision.
I've been communicating exclusively through e-mail, for over a year now, with a girl I've known on and off for ten years and have never dated. I haven't actually seen her in five years. And I can honestly say that I now love her much more deeply than I ever did before. And it's because we haven't been around each other, and there's been none of that burning passion and whatnot getting in the way. It really is extraordinary to me how much I've come to care about her just through us writing "letters" to each other.
So maybe, if you're both willing, you could do something like that. Focus on a mental/spiritual connection for as long as you can, in order to find out whether the two of you really want the same things in life.
Also, what Meta said
y:
It's good that you know your own mind, at least. I'm the king of vacillation 
pastorals (#'s 27 and 19)
Sweatshop. Beehive.
Copper eye
In fishnet; I'll bet
The last of my dust
That there's no one
To trust who doesn't
Spell fatigue with dip
Of morning milk.
Oh, sure
The finger dries, but
What size then, the decade?
Grindstone. Udder.
Dry, white minutes.
Soft flesh sullen
And safe. Death.
There
I've said it.
I was afraid
But then I...
Read More
Sweatshop. Beehive.
Copper eye
In fishnet; I'll bet
The last of my dust
That there's no one
To trust who doesn't
Spell fatigue with dip
Of morning milk.
Oh, sure
The finger dries, but
What size then, the decade?
Grindstone. Udder.
Dry, white minutes.
Soft flesh sullen
And safe. Death.
There
I've said it.
I was afraid
But then I...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
y:
Hullo! I'm fine today (-ish); how's yourself?
Those are stills from Harmony Korine's excellent film "Julien Donkey-boy". The woman is Chloe Sevigny. I would put what the images I post are on the actual post, but it spoils the look; I prefer to have just pictures. I'm a little pissed off these ones didn't fit - I thought I was going to get lucky and they would fit perfectly, but sadly...
How are your paintings coming along these days?
Those are stills from Harmony Korine's excellent film "Julien Donkey-boy". The woman is Chloe Sevigny. I would put what the images I post are on the actual post, but it spoils the look; I prefer to have just pictures. I'm a little pissed off these ones didn't fit - I thought I was going to get lucky and they would fit perfectly, but sadly...
How are your paintings coming along these days?
y:
Your painting sounds good; ice blue is one of my favourite colours. And I love De Kooning.
I've mostly just been working on sharpening my eye for colour harmonies; I believe that's the key to succeeding in doing what I have very vaguely in mind.
I was 18/19 when I was into Schnabel, so I don't really remember any titles, except one that was just called "God"; that's a good one. I read a book by him back then that really clicked with me, called "C.V.J. (nicknames of Maitre d's and other excerpts from life)" and that's mainly what I remember him for. He talks a lot in it about what it means to be a painter, and what it means to be a painter in society, and I agreed with him on many things. His opinions said what I'd been wanting to say for years, as I fought with my art tutors over what I should be doing with my work. I insisted, like Schnabel, on having absolute freedom to make my own decisions and mistakes in the making of my artwork; but they just thought I was a pretentious eighteen-year-old. God I hated them. Some of them are well known artists now, but their work is crap; I was creating more interesting and original work when they were "tutoring" me ten years ago. Yes, I'm bitter.
Good night, my friend.
I've mostly just been working on sharpening my eye for colour harmonies; I believe that's the key to succeeding in doing what I have very vaguely in mind.
I was 18/19 when I was into Schnabel, so I don't really remember any titles, except one that was just called "God"; that's a good one. I read a book by him back then that really clicked with me, called "C.V.J. (nicknames of Maitre d's and other excerpts from life)" and that's mainly what I remember him for. He talks a lot in it about what it means to be a painter, and what it means to be a painter in society, and I agreed with him on many things. His opinions said what I'd been wanting to say for years, as I fought with my art tutors over what I should be doing with my work. I insisted, like Schnabel, on having absolute freedom to make my own decisions and mistakes in the making of my artwork; but they just thought I was a pretentious eighteen-year-old. God I hated them. Some of them are well known artists now, but their work is crap; I was creating more interesting and original work when they were "tutoring" me ten years ago. Yes, I'm bitter.
Good night, my friend.
I'm always up for herbal remedies. I'll have a look.
I would go ahead and talk to Anna if I were you, she's one of the friendliest, most forth-coming people around here. I wouldn't blitz her with poetry though - it's hard to know how to react when a stranger posts a poem in your box (I would imagine). I'm always wary of talking to the actual SG's, but it's mainly because there are just so many people clamouring for their attention. I don't want to be a nuisance. For instance I've been very tentatively talking to Charley recently, but I just left a longer - and rather more familiar - post in her box and I suspect it's scared her off. C'est la vie in SG land.
I've just started "On The Road", by the way.
Eye.
i'm doing pretty well, how 'bout you? just a little bored, nothing to do on a saturday night. last night i hung out w/ some folks from my department and we all got way drunk. you know when you find yourself spooning a straight girl on the floor of someone else's apt, it's time to go home.
anyhoo. but all these kids are real straightlaced, and so that's a little weird for me. i was told that one of my tattoos is "a little scary."
and i ALWAYS get compliments on this particular tattoo!
oh and ps: lackwit is right-- you are such a beatnik! so does that mean you snap your fingers rather than clap at shows?
hee hee hee!