Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

billyfivecrows

Member Since 2005

Followers 49 Following 77

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Sep 25, 2005

Sep 25, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
This evening I get an email that says she's internalized the love, made a space in her heart for what we had, what we lost, and what never was. She understands, finally, that we have different ways of seeing and being in world that don't quite mesh, and that an autonomy of heart is best for this relationship, which has become a friendship of mutual respect and polite trust. My wording.

Her wording was simple and honest. Direct and sincere.

It's what I've been waiting to hear, the point I've wanted to reach for six months now. No need for fighting. Two intelligent, loving people shouldn't go down that road.

After almost a year of alternating between bitter-sweet ache, brutal resentment, and despondent limbo, I feel free.

It's over.

*

Strange place in my life.

I don't know when or even -if- Tulsa is coming through.

To beat a dead horse: Nothing's really keeping me here.

Estrangement from most of my family has turned into polite modalities of impatience and avoidance.

I was nervous about wrapping up and shipping the large paintings and sculptures, but they'll be fine. Bubble wrap. Blankets. Makeshift crates.

The only thing that would keep me here is if I fell madly in love or found really sweet gallery representation. Both would be nice...


But if Tulsa falls through, no biggie.

I can make life anywhere.


I'm happy and content


Nowhere


Now here.







VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
faye:
Thanks for your comment.
Sep 26, 2005
y:
Aye, it's a sad state of affairs; your government is being very childish in my estimation. America is fast becoming world enemy number one in many respects, which is a profound shame because there are many, many wonderful things about it.

Sounds like you're at a crossroads in your life now. Good thing. Don't listen to the Devil, though - he got ways to fool ya! biggrin
Sep 26, 2005

More Blogs

  • 09.03.05
    4

    Saturday Sep 03, 2005

    two poems (04-09-'05) 1. improv while thinking of Frank O'Hara …
  • 09.02.05
    2

    Saturday Sep 03, 2005

    Chewing on the same Ragged flame; enough. My teeth are burned Bu…
  • 09.01.05
    3

    Thursday Sep 01, 2005

    Two prescient ideas from my horoscope(s) this week. "It's crucial …
  • 08.31.05
    2

    Wednesday Aug 31, 2005

    new orleans biloxi mobile any and all inbetween grace hop…
  • 08.30.05
    2

    Tuesday Aug 30, 2005

    (on Noguchi...) Chisel and petal; blood hardened; Volcanic blosso…
  • 08.28.05
    4

    Monday Aug 29, 2005

    Marked by occasional sting, a draping in my own language. Names of…
  • 08.26.05
    4

    Friday Aug 26, 2005

    third poem for Jim Carroll "...and you're jaunty and elegant and …
  • 08.25.05
    2

    Thursday Aug 25, 2005

    Can one be delicate in continuum? Where the winged mind sleeps Much…
  • 08.24.05
    2

    Thursday Aug 25, 2005

    I recalled the hologram Where I knew I'd done dreaming. Exit wou…
  • 08.24.05
    3

    Wednesday Aug 24, 2005

    The cannibals wanted Lazarus. And so did the crows. The reasons …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
11
months
3
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,604 SuicideGirls
  • 1,115,148 followers
  • 14,955,457 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,480,282 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo