billyfivecrows

"Roamin' Candles. Guardin' Gnomes."

*

Well, we met and talked today. For about 15 minutes.

She's in town staying overnight at her mother's, and I had done some tax receipt work for her mother, which I returned.

Immediate hug, barely a word. We held each other for a very, very long while. Tightly and warmly. We had a private moment for Illeana (We've named the child we lost...or rather she's made her name know to us in dreams and visions. We talk to her, feel her presence around us.)

I asked her to walk me out to where my ride was waiting.

We small-talked in a friendly way on the way down, and it seemed natural and normal. We commented on how much the other had changed in the 6 months since we last saw one another. She said my voice was deeper and smoother, and I seemed taller, more upright. She has lost a good bit of weight, and looks great. She is really showing her age, however. She glows, and is healthy. But is very much a woman approaching her sixth decade.

But as always, I see the young woman.

Something eternal in our connection.

This flesh-world is not eternal.

Our connection here is...faulty...or rather

Not enough.

Too much pain and misunderstanding.

Too many "you should's" and "you shouldn'ts"

From both of us.


A poorly mixed shade


From two beautiful colors.



Later, she sent an email saying how tonight wasn't enough. Asking me what is it that I want from "us".

I said, A loving friendship. And time. To take it slowly, please.

She should ask herself the same question.


So much I've asked has not been heard. Same for her.

Closure please.

So I can go on.

I don't need the baggage

And neither does anyone else...



(So....was it more fun when these entries were just weird poetry?


I do need friends right now


And thank you


c.)