billyfivecrows

Monarch.

Sphinx on a diet of teeth. See?

The pane was dirty

Was enigma, certainly.
I confess: Stomach says

"Butterfly"

"Incisor"

Head says "Miser"

"Queen"

Inbetween

Myselves revealed

And lucid field

A lion shivers

In the heat...


***


I found out where the sweetness and the willingness to communicate is coming from.

This week, the child we lost to miscarriage would have been born.

How do I deny connection in the light of this? We're putting aside our differences to work through the loss of a child.

We never really talked about it.

We buried the...mass and liquid... underneath a beautiful magnolia tree in my backyard.

I nursed her for a month or more with herbs, grilled liver for the iron (there was lots of bleeding), and reiki treatments, all the while suffering from the flu.

When she healed from that, she hit menopause.


Not too long after that, I made my decision.

Months and months of plainly saying I wasn't happy.
Months and months of painful deliberation.


Painful trauma of the miscarriage. I stood by her.


But I had to take power over my own life.


I'm 35 years old. I've lost five children. Two to abortion. Three to miscarriage. I want a family one day.

Our interests and outlook on life did not sucessfully mesh, despite the love we felt for one another.


I still think I made the right decision.


We're talking about what happened.


We really need to...