billybillybilly

Three o'clock. Minneapolis.

My rooms are lighting up because this glowing flashing sky is promising me a thunderstorm. I hope and pray that these drops will process the last three months or so into something more pliable that my inner mechanics can mold properly.

Into what was.

Turning it over. Dismantling my theories, because "Fuck. Them."

Divide and conquer is the idea I guess, but I prefer to think of it as "dividing by 'if.' "

And I talked to someone tonight. Someone who's probably still gray on your friends list, if you had the pleasure that is. Envy me. Right now it's worth it.

Swear I just heard thunder... pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

I'll be wearing a different face in light of it. Something dark, maybe a little scary, and maybe a little pretty. I've always enjoyed that. Feeling pretty.


*

An hour, probably more passing since the last words and now the sky is quiet again. Sort of a let down, but sort of a happiness in that too. When it's warm I'll go walking walking...

When it's warm and the rain is warm and the sky is still lit and diffused, that's my favorite time. When it's warm and rainy and when it lets up just before sunset and the sky beams orange all of downtown is on fire...

That's my favorite time.

Or the long ones, the steady drizzly ones that won't let up. The ones that cover everything silver after the sun drops and all the night lights reflect some inward sparkle of what makes a given object tick tock tick tock tick...

...pull my coat up around me and cars go faster because no one but me likes to be wet and alone walking home at night...

...hair sopping in my face but the temperature dropped to perfect and my nose is the best thermometer and people run out to catch cabs hustling and the world passes by, everyone running home to be warm and love someone...

That's another one.

*

Yesterday was a year, and that means something. Because I was here. And you didn't make it.

I held out.

You fell apart.