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billybillybilly

Vietnam

Member Since 2004

Followers 151 Following 188

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Thursday Mar 31, 2005

Mar 31, 2005
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I am a carton of eight swinging angel baskets.






(




)



* * * * *

They're all married now. Or they're engaged. Or they've got kids.

I should probably be happy for them. Some of them I am, some of them I just worry about. It's always weird to know they've got objects in their life set up to specifically deter YOU. Maybe that wasn't the intention with all of them, but in some cases yes, it's that way.

Walk holding each other until you hit that brutally obvious fork in the road. Time for you to be alone billy. Time for them to attach to someone else.

Usually it's pretty benign. Separations were never the wars they've become lately. Just, time to go.

"
rain falls on everyone,
the same old rain.

and i'm just trying to,
walk with you
between the raindrops...
"

There is nothing wrong with hating yourself. Sometimes you love yourself too, it's the same thing, just in the other direction. You're just as interested in your own thoughts intents and reactions as you always were, but now you're in this state of loathing, and it's always worst at night. You get used to not being the only one in your head around midnight, but then the clock rolls over and there you are...

Just time to go. Always time to go.

The side of my face hurts.

That scar on my arm isn't going to magically disappear. But that's how I remember those things that are most important to me. That's why I've got those glass scars on the palm of my right hand. That's why I've got that burn mark on the inside of my elbow. That's why that knuckle of mine isn't the same as the other one. That's why I pick my scabs.

I'm mapping it out.

There are no walls here worth banging my head against. They've done nothing wrong.

There isn't anyone to shout at. No one's listening.

There's only one person on the face of the planet that really cares about where my actions are leading. There's only one person that would come get me from the hospital if they had the means. There's only one person who wants to keep me from going there so they don't need to come get me.

And it's not you.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
contrast:


i know i'd seen this pic before... but i wasn't struck by it until i saw it in one of toneskis pics. i guess kind of like when you don't appreciate a song the first time, then one day it just hits you.

anyway, i think i'm in love with alaska now. or you, or both. or your camera. something!
Apr 2, 2005
z:
Yeah, I got cut at 8:20. I checked at the movie theater on the off chance people were meeting up at 8 and the movie didn't start until later, but then I saw that the movie actually started at 8. Oh well, maybe next time.
Apr 3, 2005

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