billybillybilly

i don't know what to think anymore.

i've maybe said that before, but i'm thinking at this point that i really mean it. sort of like, when you eat mexican food from taco john's (sort of hometown, sort of not), or ( ) taco bell, and someone asks you:

"what do you think of mexican food? do you like it?"

and maybe at the time your answer is:

"naw, that shit's disgusting. what kind of fucking meat do they think they're serving there? and it's obvious they're just putting a bunch of spicy shit in it to mask the actual flavor."

...not that your opinion in that case wasn't valid, sound, or thought out, but the idea is that you never had real (or at least authentic) mexican food.

the same is true in your own day-to-day operations. maybe you think you've got it bad, but turn on the news and if you take it quite literally then your life could be a lot worse.

so, sometimes i'm wrong. point taken.

am i wrong all the time? no. does life ever hand you more than you can take? sure. but work through and you're stronger for it. in retrospect, any number of things could have been worse, and most of the bad things that happen are just worse because you worried about what might have happened or what was supposed to but didn't.

i've felt very much isolated from the rest of the world. coming out of it, the first human face i saw knocked me back 50%.

just when i thought i was getting comfortable, i was wrong. just when i thought i knew what to do, conversations revealed new and more personal perspectives. i guess that happens all the time, and i've realized it to a fault.

*


is that where plan B happens?

a word of advice:

if the situation you're in seems harmful or if you feel like you can't handle any given thing, get out of it, or change the rules BEFORE things get out of hand. especially if you have the clarity to realize this while the situation is still good.

do something constructive. find the doors that are opened to you.

promise, it's a good idea.