Ah, the snow. Wish I could've been out to enjoy it during the daylight.
I laid on M's couch. Everything was in a deep dark purple inside with shadows from the yellow streetlight coming through making diagonal grids on the floor and walls. The snowflakes drifted in at a light angle, and the whole world in my head was laced with brilliant white. I sat near an imaginary fireplace, dreaming of absolutely nothing, basking in the stillness and swimming in calm.
That may've been my only moment today of a feeling of peace, but at least I admitted it.
Last year I hibernated (as much as I could) in my room. Erika was there a lot around then. It's a nice memory, sitting at my window blowing smoke out of a small crack at the top, doing my best not to make my room smell like cigarettes. Very few words spoken, but just knowing she was there.
*
I met a girl, which is interesting. I'm not terribly into her, but she seems like a nice person. Of course, she's crazy. I'm not attempting to begin a relationship. The thought of being someone's, especially her boyfriend is like a vague premise from a past life.
What's interesting is that everyone who knows her tells me in essence, that she's going to get attached to me. I'm quite sure though that she really isn't attracted to me at all. I'm simply a male who for the most part enjoys her company, which is why we hang out.
My theory is that since whenever she actually is into someone, they avoid her and therefore she pursues spending lots and LOTS of time with them. And since I don't avoid her, she isn't going to become attached.
I'm not sure if this is interesting to anyone else, but I certainly get a kick out of it.
And I certainly don't exclude the possibility of being wrong. I could easily be wrong. Personal experience can make all the difference. But my own instincts are that I'm in what is essentially a harmless place. So, you know, good times.
I laid on M's couch. Everything was in a deep dark purple inside with shadows from the yellow streetlight coming through making diagonal grids on the floor and walls. The snowflakes drifted in at a light angle, and the whole world in my head was laced with brilliant white. I sat near an imaginary fireplace, dreaming of absolutely nothing, basking in the stillness and swimming in calm.
That may've been my only moment today of a feeling of peace, but at least I admitted it.
Last year I hibernated (as much as I could) in my room. Erika was there a lot around then. It's a nice memory, sitting at my window blowing smoke out of a small crack at the top, doing my best not to make my room smell like cigarettes. Very few words spoken, but just knowing she was there.
*
I met a girl, which is interesting. I'm not terribly into her, but she seems like a nice person. Of course, she's crazy. I'm not attempting to begin a relationship. The thought of being someone's, especially her boyfriend is like a vague premise from a past life.
What's interesting is that everyone who knows her tells me in essence, that she's going to get attached to me. I'm quite sure though that she really isn't attracted to me at all. I'm simply a male who for the most part enjoys her company, which is why we hang out.
My theory is that since whenever she actually is into someone, they avoid her and therefore she pursues spending lots and LOTS of time with them. And since I don't avoid her, she isn't going to become attached.
I'm not sure if this is interesting to anyone else, but I certainly get a kick out of it.
And I certainly don't exclude the possibility of being wrong. I could easily be wrong. Personal experience can make all the difference. But my own instincts are that I'm in what is essentially a harmless place. So, you know, good times.
However, this part
I'm simply a male who for the most part enjoys her company, which is why we hang out.
makes me wonder. I could be reading too much into it (and being that I don't know the first thing about this girl, that's entirely possible), but maybe that's why people say she'll get attached. Maybe she's someone who doesn't need much more than that to get attached.
And if that's why people say that, then the one good thing is that if you act on your theory, you have a better chance of being proven definitively right or wrong. Either you or the folks saying that have to be really, really wrong, if that's what they're basing their statements on, since it's the exact opposite of your theory. So that's always something.