billybeer

All the "she"'s in my life are al co diffrent and confusing and I'm having major trouble with the one I've been with for 2 years. And the one I like would involve partaking in such a rediculous sequence of events it's not likely It'll ever actually materialize into something. And I dont think either of them read my journal so it dosen't matter what I say, but, I like to keep things in the dark. The first has been more in my prescence than not for the last 2 years, to the month basically. Like we've lived together for about a year and a half of those 2 years. Worked together. Slept together. We were sure a couple. A Pair you could say... Well not anymore. It's become a happening that she dosen't think that being with me is in her agenda for reasons that I can understand, yet have since gotten under comtrol, or at least began to. And because she jsut needs to be alone. It would have been easier for me for you to hav ebeen alone to begin with. Because this girl has become such a piece of me that not having her around is torture. COMPLETE TORTURE. I mean its not actually the not having her around part, because we've been living seperately for 3 months. I just mean, it hurts to get tossed away by your best friend, your soul mate, your lover and fiancee all at the same time. Cause she was all of those things. And still is, (minus a few). So the story ends here, does it? Well that's fine.
Cause of the latter lady. Since the love of my life has decided she needs another chance at making my heart pound like she always has, except this time she's pounding my heart with a cinder block, I've got a crush. In almost 2 years I havent thought about seeing another girl. I havent thought about it. Not once. Miss earlier was more than enough to keep me happy and will always be if she ever change her mind. But now I can look at women diffrently. Not as simply friends. But as potential partners. And this one takes the cake. I think she may be better suited for me than my old in some ways, diffrent ways, and sure is she pretty
The problem. Well the problem will give it all away and you're not gonna get me to tell that easily. But it's not physically possible. Which is a shame because I feel something about this person, something diffrent, something I didn't think I could feel by the means that I feel them. An overwhelming urge to connect with someone immidiately. Like it's something that only has a small time frame and then it'll be gone. Like I have to do the things I am doing now to set up for soemtinng else later. It's all so strange to me. A stranger. Who you need to know. WIERD for me. really. I'm not all that outgoing. I don't really have that "Go Get "Em" attitude when it comes to people. This one person is so diffrent from anyone I've never met, and it's amazing. It's exhilarating to a point. And I hope that she feels it. It's been satisfying, to me at least. But I always want more. I always want to know jsut one more thing. Just one more word. And so the story begins.