So here we are. It has been a year to the day since I have been diagnosed with RSD/CRPS. Now keeping in mind I know my problems are small in comparison to full blown RSD, or say someone with HIV, or someone who is strapped to a wheelchair, or someone who is brain dead and for some reason the people who love him want to keep him alive. I realize this fact, mine is more of an annoyance. Everyday I wake up and go to sleep in pain. Imagine someone poking you in the same spot every single second of your life. Sometimes they just poke you and then sometimes they flat out hit you, and sometimes they use a ball bat. Then imagine all the people who are supposed to be helping you with this "poking" problem all look at you as if you are crazy. It is just a matter of time till you start thinking maybe you are. It is always there it never goes away. Neither your pain or their confusion. It is unreal and surreal at the same time. I have taken some many pain pills till I am sick of taking them. I am sick of being high I am sick of being numb. Yet if I do not take them my problem explodes. It has moved up into my knee at times making it hard to walk. I woke up the other day and my whole leg from the thigh down was in pain. It was like I was being drawn and quartered from only my left leg. Then I have this new wave of "friends" who come by to "check up" on me and waste my time only to ask me if I will sell them some hydros. The answer is always the same. NO ! Yet they still ask. However there is an upside to this. I am able to go to school now. And I have met a lot of pretty nurses and doctors. So I guess things are getting better. Then I have a select few tell me it is me. It is my stress and my dealings with people that cause this. Well I have hated people way before I got this. Some people are just happy when they hate. Plain and simple. I do not need superficial people in my life telling me how I feel and what to think. I do not need the top forty songs of the week blasting through my head telling me everything is going to be okay. I do not need what the surface needs. I am fine in my mediation. One year ago today. Funny how things sometimes work out........
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