bigdamhero

well... it's done... one side of myself is happy it's over... the other longs for a chance to rewrite things... all thing's considered i'm doing well... se knew me well enough to know that i would not be second best, she let me know and i appreciate that.... the past few days have flown by as though part of a cinematic montage... I keep my self busy, and i don't stop except to sleep... my dreams are missing, i've lsot them for now, this is what happens when i cut out part of my mind... i cut it out and i bury it... it's terrifying to be honest, the ability to do such things, tere is a part of me that is feircely loyal... no one i love need fear a thing so long as i have power to stop it... nothing can make me not care, nothing but myself, and this is what i do, becasue i care so fiercely and becasue i love so hard my only option is to remove it.. with a scalpel i enter my brain and remove the part that is so powerful, each time i do this i feel as though a part of me has died... tiny bits of suicide spread over a lifetime... no fear, no remorse, no grief, no shame, but this comes at a price, no memory... with the bad i remove the good, peoplea re gone from my soul, people who should be there... but i survive, and that is what matters, to survive. I was born to do 2 things, to protect and to survive, the God given fire that burns within me and the God given ability to not even notice... they shouldnt be together, they are in constant battle... Perhaps i was born for another time, a time when protection meant forgetting, a time when to care meant to remove oneself... well i'm about to start rambling it seems... i will now try to find my way to my bed... without falling on the way, falling into the bottle... which holds all my lost dreams...