Reading JennRose's new journal has killed in the face the good mood I had. I need to stop letting beautiful people fuck with me mood and shit. It's hazardous to a slightly depressed, mad lonely, social voyeur like myself. To see that much beauty is hard. It's not even so much that she's mad pretty and shit, which is truth. She's fucking gorgeous. But to see her with someone equally beautiful and to see that she went to a goth club and was lighting it up and shit and to see that kind of energy and gothy posing beauty...it makes me mad sad and shit. It's like looking at stuff I'll never have. We had a chunky gothy girl come into the shop with her man the other night and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. when she and he left, this table full of redneck fuckhead dipshits talked shit about her. The quote was "What the fuck was that?" This said by a woman with 5 kids at 28 and her entire life is sitting at my Waffle House and scamming off free food and shit. I nearly took her head off but stayed mad civil and shit. She then said, "Someone needs to put her back into her cage."
Hearing things like that in my head whilst I stare at JennRose's journal and pics and shit makes me mad angry and sad. I just want a girl who can understand why I want to wear corpse paint on my face or a porcelain mask on and carry an uzi all the time. I want a girl who looks good in a choker and might be less of dipshit then the norm. that's all I want. That's all I crave for. It sounds like a broken record but it's not. Each day I work at work and see the flotsam and jetsam of life it makes me all sorts of depressed.
The house is empty, I got lots of rest and I discovered podcasting for my jukebox zen finally. So why does a couple of JPEG's make me all sorts of sad? Why does my life have to be on hold just cause my rides are?
- Missing Work, Missing Friends, Missing Life -
Been mad depressed the last week or so. The phone issues still haven't subsided. Needless to say, I'm convinced now that we will be a cellular nation in the next 2 years, if we aren't one now. It's just too fucking expensive NOT to be. My phone went dead and I couldn't get it repaired. So I got a refurbished one and less then a hour after I had it activated it died on me. The speaker just bit a bullet. Fucking A. So I've been without a phone since Friday. Helps a lot that my flatmates have all decided to leave and leave me without a ride to work and shit.
The first two nights of the rotation worked out, except that I had to work 11 hours on Friday night. Wouldn't be that bad except that the last 5 hours of the shift I was alone on the floor. We did close to 800 bucks in sales, the last 250 by myself and my cook. None of the side work got done to my demands and first shift nearly took my head off. Not my fault that they didn't schedule the shop right and I'm still being blamed when shit is pointless and wrong. Forget the idea that me and my partner on the floor actually SHARE the loads. Nowadays I'm just trying to make it right for first shift no matter how fucked it is on third when we get the store. I'll probably get bitched at when I come into work tonight but I don't care.
But my manager did come to my house this morning to find out what happened. Since she wasn't there in the first place and she knows and knew my situation she understood and didn't hold it against me. She knows I try and I put it all on the line when I work there, therefore she's willing to help me get to work seeing as I'm one of the few folk she got that if I'm scheduled, unless there is hell or high water...or no ride, I'll be there. It just frustrates me that I miss work and miss money and shit. Two days left and I still need a good result here and on my check to get the rent money on time this month. But I might not even be dealing with that shit neither...
It's just hard. Life is hard and without any sort of a release besides up drugs to stay awake at work and the internet and internet friends, it's hard to go on. I don't have many friends here outside of work and at work I don't make friends. It makes it hard to be objective on my job and shit. So until I drive or get a phone again, shit don't change.
- End Notes -
1. Astoreth, welcome to the family. Glad you decided to get on the train bound for Paradiseland that is my journal. I apologize in advance if I offend you. Also, LilLIx, welcome back to the site and my friends list. It makes a fellow proud to be a decent lad.
2. Podcasting is fucking awesome. In one day alone, i've found so many streams including a stream about sex and erotica readings in radio show format. So much spoken word goodness to now have. Oh yes. Syndicating radio on mp3 players is the wave of the future.
3. I worry for my friends on SG. So much sickness, so much sadness. So much american life.
4. I offered to buy skittles_delight her ticket to the Dropkick show and she refused as she won't be recovered from her surgery in time for the show. I wish she was 100 percent. She'd be someone I'd go bankrupt for to go and see. Yeah. A lot of girls on the site I'd do it for but few take me seriously. Who knows? Mabye driving school will happen soon.
5. Emulators rule. Emulating NES games and rediscovering the joy of 8 bit ass kicking (River City Ransom might be the finest NES game ever and I am SOOOO stoked that it's being redone on the Game Boy Advance. So would love a modern 64 bit version of the game on PS2) is why I don't kill myself in frustration. Emulation rules.
6. I need a camera. Mabye then I can illustrate the sadness of my life and the interesting times and place I live in.
And, as usual, this is the time when I fade into obscurity. I so want to have some art that is mine again. Mabye it's time to get my photoshop twnge working again. But yet again, I need a better and more powerful rig to do it. Oh well.
Later all. Kiss me tenderly in the shoulder blades for I like that.
Hearing things like that in my head whilst I stare at JennRose's journal and pics and shit makes me mad angry and sad. I just want a girl who can understand why I want to wear corpse paint on my face or a porcelain mask on and carry an uzi all the time. I want a girl who looks good in a choker and might be less of dipshit then the norm. that's all I want. That's all I crave for. It sounds like a broken record but it's not. Each day I work at work and see the flotsam and jetsam of life it makes me all sorts of depressed.
The house is empty, I got lots of rest and I discovered podcasting for my jukebox zen finally. So why does a couple of JPEG's make me all sorts of sad? Why does my life have to be on hold just cause my rides are?
- Missing Work, Missing Friends, Missing Life -
Been mad depressed the last week or so. The phone issues still haven't subsided. Needless to say, I'm convinced now that we will be a cellular nation in the next 2 years, if we aren't one now. It's just too fucking expensive NOT to be. My phone went dead and I couldn't get it repaired. So I got a refurbished one and less then a hour after I had it activated it died on me. The speaker just bit a bullet. Fucking A. So I've been without a phone since Friday. Helps a lot that my flatmates have all decided to leave and leave me without a ride to work and shit.
The first two nights of the rotation worked out, except that I had to work 11 hours on Friday night. Wouldn't be that bad except that the last 5 hours of the shift I was alone on the floor. We did close to 800 bucks in sales, the last 250 by myself and my cook. None of the side work got done to my demands and first shift nearly took my head off. Not my fault that they didn't schedule the shop right and I'm still being blamed when shit is pointless and wrong. Forget the idea that me and my partner on the floor actually SHARE the loads. Nowadays I'm just trying to make it right for first shift no matter how fucked it is on third when we get the store. I'll probably get bitched at when I come into work tonight but I don't care.
But my manager did come to my house this morning to find out what happened. Since she wasn't there in the first place and she knows and knew my situation she understood and didn't hold it against me. She knows I try and I put it all on the line when I work there, therefore she's willing to help me get to work seeing as I'm one of the few folk she got that if I'm scheduled, unless there is hell or high water...or no ride, I'll be there. It just frustrates me that I miss work and miss money and shit. Two days left and I still need a good result here and on my check to get the rent money on time this month. But I might not even be dealing with that shit neither...
It's just hard. Life is hard and without any sort of a release besides up drugs to stay awake at work and the internet and internet friends, it's hard to go on. I don't have many friends here outside of work and at work I don't make friends. It makes it hard to be objective on my job and shit. So until I drive or get a phone again, shit don't change.
- End Notes -
1. Astoreth, welcome to the family. Glad you decided to get on the train bound for Paradiseland that is my journal. I apologize in advance if I offend you. Also, LilLIx, welcome back to the site and my friends list. It makes a fellow proud to be a decent lad.
2. Podcasting is fucking awesome. In one day alone, i've found so many streams including a stream about sex and erotica readings in radio show format. So much spoken word goodness to now have. Oh yes. Syndicating radio on mp3 players is the wave of the future.
3. I worry for my friends on SG. So much sickness, so much sadness. So much american life.
4. I offered to buy skittles_delight her ticket to the Dropkick show and she refused as she won't be recovered from her surgery in time for the show. I wish she was 100 percent. She'd be someone I'd go bankrupt for to go and see. Yeah. A lot of girls on the site I'd do it for but few take me seriously. Who knows? Mabye driving school will happen soon.
5. Emulators rule. Emulating NES games and rediscovering the joy of 8 bit ass kicking (River City Ransom might be the finest NES game ever and I am SOOOO stoked that it's being redone on the Game Boy Advance. So would love a modern 64 bit version of the game on PS2) is why I don't kill myself in frustration. Emulation rules.
6. I need a camera. Mabye then I can illustrate the sadness of my life and the interesting times and place I live in.
And, as usual, this is the time when I fade into obscurity. I so want to have some art that is mine again. Mabye it's time to get my photoshop twnge working again. But yet again, I need a better and more powerful rig to do it. Oh well.
Later all. Kiss me tenderly in the shoulder blades for I like that.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
damn
I always think I'm the only one who has that problem of having his mood fucked up by seeing a hot girl. (yeah, getting an account here was just a little bit masochistic on my part, eh
That behind the back commenting shit is pretty foul. .but I gotta admit, I've done it too. . . mainly about cosplayers. . . .and dudes in girls pants. . . .but they were probably making fat jokes, and that shit is foul.
I love emulators. Can't get enough of that old school action.
there's still new games like that though. Check out
Cave Story, I just learned of it last week and I'm addicted.
- Lester Burnham
Good on you, for keeping your cool.