Some things have come up. I need to talk about them. Yeah.
- Dropping The V-Day Ball (Incidentally) -
I didn't go out to get my flatmates planned V-Day surprise to his wife, also my flatmate, and he's pissed about it. I'm sort of kicking myself as well as I chose to go to a show in North Chattanooga instead due to the lateness of the hour. He gave me a good chewing out when I apologized to him and he's right to do so. I dropped the ball and he wanted me to come through for him. Of course, he himself put me in a shit of a position when we were out the morning before by not knowing if our electric bill would be paid or if I would have had to put it all out with my money to pay it. I made the decision later in the day to just go out and not worry about it cause I didn't hear anything and he's mad cause it almost didn't happen.
He's right to be mad cause as is I'm annoyed at myself for going to the show. close to 50 bucks spent in travel for a 3 dollar show that wasn't that good and wasn't that fun to be at. Good folk there, just not that damned good a show. I should have just done what he wanted and slinked back into bed. And for that, all I can do is sit in the doghouse for a few days and live with my own personal shame. And try like hell to figure out a ride for Wednesday night now.
What is bothering me though is a summation he made about women and their needs. He said that it was important that he took care of his wife's valentine's wishes because it was so assumed that he wouldn't be able to. My question is this: if this was so important and he had to much lead time on the front end about this, why then didn't he take care of it when he had money? He had money at one point and he didn't set it off. Why then put it on my shoulders to take care of his wife's needs?
I guess I'm just a little bitter about this now. It makes me feel like I don't want women now if this is going to be the Valentine's Day mantra. I'm one to do more from day to day and listen all the time; why must I let this be the situation I deal with every Feb. 14th? I'm beginning to go to that place again where I DON'T want women or anyone beyond a close friend. It's hard to deal with this without things to take care of situations and I'm tired of being responsible when I drop the ball. I'd rather not deal with anyone but me right now.
I don't think I can even build a normal three part entry now. I'm so emotionally spent right now that all I want to do is go back to bed and die for a while. I feel like a choad. And a sucker. 50 bucks for a crappy punk show versus 20 bucks and flatmates more willing to do my bidding when necessary. Annoyed at myself I am. It's hard to want to write when you see someone's dissapointed look on their face. It's why I tend to refuse interaction with a lot of people. Dissapointment isn't something I deal with well. My own dissapointment isn't that difficult to stuff down. But seeing someone else's makes me all sorts of mad and shit.
And all this over a miscommunication and a shitty punk show with crusty scene crackers. Great.
I honestly feel like this is a wake up call to me on several fronts:
1. I need to be driving so that this shit could have been done better.
2. My phone needs to be reactivated soon. Hopefully tomorrow.
3. Women are far more complex then I can deal with right now. In most fronts.
4. Collegedale/Ooltewah blows and that I need to so move to North Chattanooga ASAP.
5. I need to be driving mad soon.
6. Valentine's Day needs to be more sacred to me then it is right now for no other reason then I don't piss off some woman who DOES decide to be my woman.
Though it is kind of funny to watch my flatmate spout off about listening to his wife and giving a shit about her needs when the odds are mighty damned good that she'll piss him off to the point of not being able to speak soon about something SHE didn't listen to him on or didn't take him seriously on. I guess when you do finally find someone, all the progressive propaganda in the world goes out the window and we revert to our basest human desires and predilictions. It's just sad funny.
My life is sad. Kill me now please. That is all. Good day.
- Dropping The V-Day Ball (Incidentally) -
I didn't go out to get my flatmates planned V-Day surprise to his wife, also my flatmate, and he's pissed about it. I'm sort of kicking myself as well as I chose to go to a show in North Chattanooga instead due to the lateness of the hour. He gave me a good chewing out when I apologized to him and he's right to do so. I dropped the ball and he wanted me to come through for him. Of course, he himself put me in a shit of a position when we were out the morning before by not knowing if our electric bill would be paid or if I would have had to put it all out with my money to pay it. I made the decision later in the day to just go out and not worry about it cause I didn't hear anything and he's mad cause it almost didn't happen.
He's right to be mad cause as is I'm annoyed at myself for going to the show. close to 50 bucks spent in travel for a 3 dollar show that wasn't that good and wasn't that fun to be at. Good folk there, just not that damned good a show. I should have just done what he wanted and slinked back into bed. And for that, all I can do is sit in the doghouse for a few days and live with my own personal shame. And try like hell to figure out a ride for Wednesday night now.
What is bothering me though is a summation he made about women and their needs. He said that it was important that he took care of his wife's valentine's wishes because it was so assumed that he wouldn't be able to. My question is this: if this was so important and he had to much lead time on the front end about this, why then didn't he take care of it when he had money? He had money at one point and he didn't set it off. Why then put it on my shoulders to take care of his wife's needs?
I guess I'm just a little bitter about this now. It makes me feel like I don't want women now if this is going to be the Valentine's Day mantra. I'm one to do more from day to day and listen all the time; why must I let this be the situation I deal with every Feb. 14th? I'm beginning to go to that place again where I DON'T want women or anyone beyond a close friend. It's hard to deal with this without things to take care of situations and I'm tired of being responsible when I drop the ball. I'd rather not deal with anyone but me right now.
I don't think I can even build a normal three part entry now. I'm so emotionally spent right now that all I want to do is go back to bed and die for a while. I feel like a choad. And a sucker. 50 bucks for a crappy punk show versus 20 bucks and flatmates more willing to do my bidding when necessary. Annoyed at myself I am. It's hard to want to write when you see someone's dissapointed look on their face. It's why I tend to refuse interaction with a lot of people. Dissapointment isn't something I deal with well. My own dissapointment isn't that difficult to stuff down. But seeing someone else's makes me all sorts of mad and shit.
And all this over a miscommunication and a shitty punk show with crusty scene crackers. Great.
I honestly feel like this is a wake up call to me on several fronts:
1. I need to be driving so that this shit could have been done better.
2. My phone needs to be reactivated soon. Hopefully tomorrow.
3. Women are far more complex then I can deal with right now. In most fronts.
4. Collegedale/Ooltewah blows and that I need to so move to North Chattanooga ASAP.
5. I need to be driving mad soon.
6. Valentine's Day needs to be more sacred to me then it is right now for no other reason then I don't piss off some woman who DOES decide to be my woman.
Though it is kind of funny to watch my flatmate spout off about listening to his wife and giving a shit about her needs when the odds are mighty damned good that she'll piss him off to the point of not being able to speak soon about something SHE didn't listen to him on or didn't take him seriously on. I guess when you do finally find someone, all the progressive propaganda in the world goes out the window and we revert to our basest human desires and predilictions. It's just sad funny.
My life is sad. Kill me now please. That is all. Good day.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
STOP BEING SO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
It's JUST life, relationships, friends and love