New day, old challenges.
Last night of the working rotation coming up. Then, tomorrow and Friday I need to get my ex's stuff out of my room and boxed so I can ship it out this weekend. I'll talk about her further along in this entry but for now, work is the subject. I dread going back to Ooltewah tonight for work. I was at Shallowford Road Waffle House for the last two nights and I had a lot of fun there despite the issues there. I like cooking, I hate waitering. And I especially hate waitering in a quasi-racist, uber-cheap place like Ooltewah. But what gets me the most if the fact that I'm not sure if I'll be working with Amy tonight. Not the Amy from the club, the Amy who treats me like a shitty three dollar john. I hate working with her but I want her as my woman. Is this wrong? Do I even give a fuck?
I'll say this: The night goes by very slowly when all I can think about is collaring her and fucking her six ways from Sunday then sending her slutty ass off to work when I go. It's difficult to know that I hate he on the floor and desire her strongly off of it. I'm not sure that's a fair line to draw...
More about work: I want to cook more. I;m tired of being at the beck and call of the tip. There are some really cheap fuckers in this world and the idea that so much of my effort goes for naught pisses me off to no end. For me, cooking has always been more profitable and I know this. But without a car I cannot be relied on to take a full shift as a cook anywhere. Hopefully, I'll be able to train in my roommate's truck once he fixes it and once he comes back from making money for rent.
Now, about my ex. Faye and I got totgether this year at school and we gave each other our virginities. We were going to get married. Then fate stepped in in the form of her parents and well...she's in California and I'm here. I do still love her but I know full fucking well that I'll never get back with her. I just know we have different things inside our hearts for life. She wants a picket fence and upstanding citizens, I want a cave and some social derelicts. She wants to be a princess, I write fanfiction about misfits like me violating princesses in the ass. Princesstual ( yes that is a word and it's my word, dammit!
) bullshit makes me all sorts of pissed off and she never could understand that I HATE princesses. I prefer bar wenches. Tender yet tough.
I do love Faye; let there be no discrepancies about that. I love her and want her to get out from under the thumb of her tyrannical mother. In fact, when her parents came to pick up her car and her, which they did both - the last night of our relationship, I wanted her to just tell her mom to go home with the car and that we'd make it together on our own, her and I. If she had done that, I wouldn't be writing this entry. We'd be at home making a life for ourselves and I'd be trying to rebuild her from the ground up and she to me.
But knowing all this makes me glad we separated. I've been there and done that and I know what it takes to make it on your own alone now and she didn't and she didn't want to do the things necessary to live on her own. She was an academy brat in the real world and she just couldn't take it. I can't be in relationships that are badly co-dependant. I like co-dependancies, just not flawed ones.
I DO miss her, though. And that bothers me.
One thing I've noticed about me is that I come home most days after work exhausted. I cannot do things; hence when I get a car, I can do more. I hope.
Time to end this. I need rest and I hope things are better tonight at work.
Now I have three crushes; FS, AK and Writer. Dammit. Writer is nearly the perfect girl...but far away. Typical. Damn me and my crushes.
Last night of the working rotation coming up. Then, tomorrow and Friday I need to get my ex's stuff out of my room and boxed so I can ship it out this weekend. I'll talk about her further along in this entry but for now, work is the subject. I dread going back to Ooltewah tonight for work. I was at Shallowford Road Waffle House for the last two nights and I had a lot of fun there despite the issues there. I like cooking, I hate waitering. And I especially hate waitering in a quasi-racist, uber-cheap place like Ooltewah. But what gets me the most if the fact that I'm not sure if I'll be working with Amy tonight. Not the Amy from the club, the Amy who treats me like a shitty three dollar john. I hate working with her but I want her as my woman. Is this wrong? Do I even give a fuck?
I'll say this: The night goes by very slowly when all I can think about is collaring her and fucking her six ways from Sunday then sending her slutty ass off to work when I go. It's difficult to know that I hate he on the floor and desire her strongly off of it. I'm not sure that's a fair line to draw...
More about work: I want to cook more. I;m tired of being at the beck and call of the tip. There are some really cheap fuckers in this world and the idea that so much of my effort goes for naught pisses me off to no end. For me, cooking has always been more profitable and I know this. But without a car I cannot be relied on to take a full shift as a cook anywhere. Hopefully, I'll be able to train in my roommate's truck once he fixes it and once he comes back from making money for rent.
Now, about my ex. Faye and I got totgether this year at school and we gave each other our virginities. We were going to get married. Then fate stepped in in the form of her parents and well...she's in California and I'm here. I do still love her but I know full fucking well that I'll never get back with her. I just know we have different things inside our hearts for life. She wants a picket fence and upstanding citizens, I want a cave and some social derelicts. She wants to be a princess, I write fanfiction about misfits like me violating princesses in the ass. Princesstual ( yes that is a word and it's my word, dammit!
) bullshit makes me all sorts of pissed off and she never could understand that I HATE princesses. I prefer bar wenches. Tender yet tough.
I do love Faye; let there be no discrepancies about that. I love her and want her to get out from under the thumb of her tyrannical mother. In fact, when her parents came to pick up her car and her, which they did both - the last night of our relationship, I wanted her to just tell her mom to go home with the car and that we'd make it together on our own, her and I. If she had done that, I wouldn't be writing this entry. We'd be at home making a life for ourselves and I'd be trying to rebuild her from the ground up and she to me.
But knowing all this makes me glad we separated. I've been there and done that and I know what it takes to make it on your own alone now and she didn't and she didn't want to do the things necessary to live on her own. She was an academy brat in the real world and she just couldn't take it. I can't be in relationships that are badly co-dependant. I like co-dependancies, just not flawed ones.
I DO miss her, though. And that bothers me.
One thing I've noticed about me is that I come home most days after work exhausted. I cannot do things; hence when I get a car, I can do more. I hope.
Time to end this. I need rest and I hope things are better tonight at work.
Now I have three crushes; FS, AK and Writer. Dammit. Writer is nearly the perfect girl...but far away. Typical. Damn me and my crushes.
The book is titled The Bleeding