Just a short entry before I go: I got declined by a nice girl on the site when I replied to her dating profile. I learned that she did it not to attract the winds but to just get one guy. But she did compliment me and I am glad that she and I will still talk. Hopefully. I can understand the sentiment but I so wish things were clearer here. But then again, it wouldn't be strange jaded goth/punk/emo/metal culture if it didn't have just a little bit of ambiguity to it.
I think it's hard for me to put into words the frustration I feel when I see anything about the "scene" and that can mean a lot of things. I like people who are different in all the good ways and for a long assed time I didn't have access to those communities. Partly because it was the color of my skin but I think mostly it's because of my crushing shyness. I'm one of the shyest people I know partially because I don't do well in big groups.
For me, I got into rock music and the culture at 16 and never looked back. But for a long time before then I was flotsam and jetsam in the currents. I don't have a clan to call my own and that bothers me a lot because so little has changed since my days in high school. So little's changed. The same goth girls are either taken or sneer at me as if to say, "Oh, how could you like someone like me?" It's hard because i can't necessarily say all that I want to say. I'm not one to be a trend whore and I am fiercely devoted to plying my own path. But I do want a crew and this is the crew I've wanted for so long...
Mostly, the girls in the scene intrigued me because they had all the things I wanted with all the issues I could deal with. For me, dating is always going to be a struggle but now it feels like I'm an adult still stunted in the feeling like I want to be a part of the crew I was never in. And dating is a part of that. So every time I msg someone on the site, I tend to think, "Am I just chasing a ghost of my life?"
I don't like chasing ghosts. I'm a minority in a minority scene; I have enough issues.
Also, note: having strip club employees as friends sucks when you need a ride. Yup.
I think it's hard for me to put into words the frustration I feel when I see anything about the "scene" and that can mean a lot of things. I like people who are different in all the good ways and for a long assed time I didn't have access to those communities. Partly because it was the color of my skin but I think mostly it's because of my crushing shyness. I'm one of the shyest people I know partially because I don't do well in big groups.
For me, I got into rock music and the culture at 16 and never looked back. But for a long time before then I was flotsam and jetsam in the currents. I don't have a clan to call my own and that bothers me a lot because so little has changed since my days in high school. So little's changed. The same goth girls are either taken or sneer at me as if to say, "Oh, how could you like someone like me?" It's hard because i can't necessarily say all that I want to say. I'm not one to be a trend whore and I am fiercely devoted to plying my own path. But I do want a crew and this is the crew I've wanted for so long...
Mostly, the girls in the scene intrigued me because they had all the things I wanted with all the issues I could deal with. For me, dating is always going to be a struggle but now it feels like I'm an adult still stunted in the feeling like I want to be a part of the crew I was never in. And dating is a part of that. So every time I msg someone on the site, I tend to think, "Am I just chasing a ghost of my life?"
I don't like chasing ghosts. I'm a minority in a minority scene; I have enough issues.
Also, note: having strip club employees as friends sucks when you need a ride. Yup.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
vudugrl:
hi there! welcome to the site...you'r profile pic looks so much like my friend jason from CA that i just about passed out! put up more pics, please. 
kinkykurlz:
Hey there. Thanks..and I loke your new profile picture! I hope you're doing well! 
