Eating sushi now. Rock. I love being able to spend money after a day of getting things done. I love being a glutton.
To touch for a moment on the girls here, I'm both incredibly enthralled and desperately depressed at their beauty. To look at a lot of these girls is painful to me because they're the kind of girls I wanted to date in high school and now and wouldn't be able to talk to at all because of fear and wondering. Being as big as I am and as black as I am makes me wonder sometimes.
But it's more then that, I guess. I tend to feel like I'm everyone's prototypical nice guy and because of this I'll be a good friend and a bad lay. Well dammit, I'm both a good friend and a good lay, not to mention a surprising stallion in the bed. So why do i feel like a lot of these girls are out of my league when there isn't supposed to be leagues or levels in the scene?
The "scene", whatever it is now has always been both a bar to jump towards and a place I couldn't ever be in because of the color of my skin. To deal with this now when I have no one to get close to is difficult because I want someone who looks like they are a punk in my life because on the inside I'm always punk. To be punk to me isn't putting on a studded belt and some mascara but to think differently and not give a shit if you offend anyone.
And mabye, at the end of the day, that's what makes people scared. That I'm real and wanting to get even more real. Mabye,,,
To touch for a moment on the girls here, I'm both incredibly enthralled and desperately depressed at their beauty. To look at a lot of these girls is painful to me because they're the kind of girls I wanted to date in high school and now and wouldn't be able to talk to at all because of fear and wondering. Being as big as I am and as black as I am makes me wonder sometimes.
But it's more then that, I guess. I tend to feel like I'm everyone's prototypical nice guy and because of this I'll be a good friend and a bad lay. Well dammit, I'm both a good friend and a good lay, not to mention a surprising stallion in the bed. So why do i feel like a lot of these girls are out of my league when there isn't supposed to be leagues or levels in the scene?
The "scene", whatever it is now has always been both a bar to jump towards and a place I couldn't ever be in because of the color of my skin. To deal with this now when I have no one to get close to is difficult because I want someone who looks like they are a punk in my life because on the inside I'm always punk. To be punk to me isn't putting on a studded belt and some mascara but to think differently and not give a shit if you offend anyone.
And mabye, at the end of the day, that's what makes people scared. That I'm real and wanting to get even more real. Mabye,,,