big_slikk

Alright sometimes i feel i've hit the bottom, the bottom of my heart. I'm full of this love but it's not going anywhere and it makes me feel empty sometimes.
for those who are new, Vezza is the love of my life but she isn't a part of me... yet.

Vezza does some things that bring the biggest hopes to my heart;
-She calls me right when a guy friend leaves, she dropped of her bf and calls me as she leaves the airport. As soon as she got home from a short trip to California with a friend from HS she calls(now she dosn't have a cellphone)
-I've talked about my emailing her everyday and how i sometimes feel pathetic. "but i love hearing from you everyday.."
-She remembers the little things; "you should get Rasberry Iced Tea, your fav!" I'm just drawing a blank now but there are some more.
-She never corrects someone on Socom(PS2 online game) when people assume we are together. Once we tried to Really play it one thick but one of our clan members messed it up. A new clan member thought we were married! *sigh*
-we've spent almost every holiday "together" since my birthday last year; her birthday is the day after mine so we "celebrated" on mine for the both of us on Socom, Thanksgiving is when she broke my heart but we still talked... Christmas we talked and played Socom, New Years was talked and i think we watched a movie, oh Valentines Day... the best ever! she had a bf at the time and was gonna be alone on this day so i was sending something, a great letter of how much i consider her a friend and a Valentines Day Bear so she wouldn't be alone, She calls me right when i get off work "you wanna Socom? ...or something else, we talked and emailed some pics... sexy ones too! Mother's Day we talked only for a bit and Labor Day and Memorial Day i worked All Day!
-and we've always signed emails with a kiss :X or our Socom nights with a :X and sweet dreams
-she didn't hesitate or pause at all when i answered.. "Hello Beautiful"

But then,,,
-She almost never returns my call and she usually dosn't reply to my daily emails but she usually dosn't hve time to email when she's at work and that's almost the only time she checks it.
-She dosn't remember some big things that go on; "oh i forgot..." i tried to really talk to her when i had my annual cancer check up but she didn't ever call me back, she knew about the procedure.
-last time i sent her something she got pissed off at me. I keep finding Nightmare Before Christmas things and that's her favorite movie. So i send little things i find. she used to be so happy, i could hear the biggest smile in the world when she calls.

but even when she dosn't do somethine i find a way to forgive her b4 we talk. I'm just so much in <3LOVE<3