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big_slikk

Alaska

Member Since 2005

Followers 56 Following 117

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Wednesday Mar 22, 2006

Mar 21, 2006
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Well i just watched The Sopranos second episode for the new season. I just can't believe what's goin on. It all comes back to Zach. Seeing Tony in the hospital bed just like my nephew almost exactly, family, doctors, all the monitors and even the assisted breathing machines and tubes down their throats. The family(both of them in The Sopranos) all around and limited visitors. Both in ICU, not being able to communicate with them.

Always watching the show i felt Meddow was just like my sis Jaq and even now i see it more and myself in AJ. I'm usually the one trying to being strong and not cry or at least looking strong like dad taught me but also a little shaken when seeing someone hooked up to evertying. Also like AJ i did see my dad in the hospital when he was getting really bad with his cancer. I remember getting him ice water, he couldn't drink it he'd use like a sponge on a stick to get it in his mouth. All through the show i'm seeing parts of my past with my dad and also with Zach.

I've also been in a mood to think of my dad. The best man i've ever knew. I used to feel wrong in ways that i didn't get to know him but i guess i keep his presence with me. I once said this to my bro earlier this year came to the point of not having dad in my life for more than half my life. It felt like a moment in life i had been with out my father more than i was with him. I know he is with me tho always. He smoked a pipe, not many people do nowadays. The tobacco he smoked is no longer sold for many years now. Every now and then we smell his pipe smoke and in places it's not possible; in the mall, in our bedrooms, even in the hospital with Zach mom overheard the nurses saying they smelled pipes smoke in the NICU. My dad made such an impression on people, even now after 13 years and some people with no contact with the family will look at me and say "aren't you Dales son?" and say how much they miss him, everybody loved my dad. I mean come on 13 kids with 3 dif wives and everyone is family, no half brothers or half sisters even plus my moms 2 kids from a previous marrige, All Family.

Also been watching Clint Eastwood movies lately, he reminds me of dad a lot. Bloodwork, True Crime. I really wanna watch Absolute Power again. With Clints daughter in the hospital bed and the killer coming in to her room Clint catches him and puts a needle in his throat Dennis Haysbert says "Have Mercy?" , Clint replies "I'm' fresh out" as he depresses the needle. You don't fuck with family! I don't have it on DVD tho.

I know there isn't much one can say to another at times like this, i've heard it so many times lately, so Thank You.

'Just "bear" with me'

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