biasply

I found out yesterday that she's seven months pregnant. I realize that this
should have no effect on me and yet, I'm devastated. I've had my heart
broken several times, but never like this. I feel so utterly worthless once
again. To think that every girl I've pursued a relationship with has always
discovered that what they're looking for in a guy is so clearly not me and
how they conveniently meet this other guy when they know me is one thing.
For her to get pregnant (and the poor girl is only 22) is such a different
monster altogether. My intern said she didn't see a ring on her finger
which concerns me as well. Although I wouldn't be surprised if the guy was
an asshole who abandoned her when he knocked her up, I certainly hope not.
But from a selfish standpoint it gives me hope i shouldn't have that there
is still a place for me in her life.

I feel betrayed and lied to since at our first lunch together she was
adamant that she didn't want to have kids and planned to adopt.

I feel hopeless, worthless, and like i have ZERO to offer since she got
pregnant within three months of telling me to take a fucking hike.

And yet I still feel so in love with her and wanting to support her in any
way I can in spite of the fact that I let her go because I know there's
nothing I could ever do.

I emailed her congratulating her on the baby. She said it's due mid-June.
And it's a going to be a beautiful little girl.

She said I brought her such happiness. It's so dissatisfying to simply
write this experience off as her have "issues."

I'm sure I'll think of more to write soon.