New love. It'll confuse the best of us. Even me. 
Lately when I've thought of what I'd like in a new relationship I'm reminded that so much of my way now is so heavily influenced by Violet, my ex and forever dear friend of many lives. I've endeavoured to shut her out of my thoughts as much as forgive her and the things that ocurred between us.
And so, as much as it's time for the newness, it's still not easy let go of the good things and the not so good. Violet helped me have fun. We laughed so much and caused so much shit. Fun shit. She the faerie, me the pixie. Both of us crossing into androgeney (donno how to spell that). It was a trip. A little daunting to think it could be bettered.
It can tho. It wont be as intense, thank God. It will be deeper. I don't think I could handle another argument my whole life. I became very certain of what will be in my life due to those many long arduos shouting marathons. Violet is a Gemini. Extremely intelligent. The strongest person I know. These elements at war?!?. Tupac got nothing on the tears I cried nor the spleen vented. I'm amazed how sharp my mind was in those fits of rage. Typical Libran ego. Fuck I'm beautiful.
The Sri Chinmoy lady engaged in conversation with me today. I stare at her amazing face hoping she doesn't realize how vacant I am as I take it all in and then stammer as it's my turn to speak. It tears at me. I know it's not rubbish chit chat but I just can't know what her intention is and how much of what I want influences my perception
. All sorts of related shit would float around my head at work, but the last few days that hasn't been happening and work has been much more enjoyable. Mind clearer. reward: conversation with the woman I think is so beautiful. This is so important to me. I love to have someone to share life with. It fills me.
I'm glad it's taking a long time. Anticipation guides and clears out so much falseness and anxiety. No rush to be something. What will be will be and I just can't change that. So in being patient I'm finding a greater depth in my self which will attract an equal depth.
What's the rush?
Please visit the breast cancer Site it does so much. and the hunger site and so on. Do it daily. This is such a great way to help. You'll love yourself for it.
Lately when I've thought of what I'd like in a new relationship I'm reminded that so much of my way now is so heavily influenced by Violet, my ex and forever dear friend of many lives. I've endeavoured to shut her out of my thoughts as much as forgive her and the things that ocurred between us.
And so, as much as it's time for the newness, it's still not easy let go of the good things and the not so good. Violet helped me have fun. We laughed so much and caused so much shit. Fun shit. She the faerie, me the pixie. Both of us crossing into androgeney (donno how to spell that). It was a trip. A little daunting to think it could be bettered.
It can tho. It wont be as intense, thank God. It will be deeper. I don't think I could handle another argument my whole life. I became very certain of what will be in my life due to those many long arduos shouting marathons. Violet is a Gemini. Extremely intelligent. The strongest person I know. These elements at war?!?. Tupac got nothing on the tears I cried nor the spleen vented. I'm amazed how sharp my mind was in those fits of rage. Typical Libran ego. Fuck I'm beautiful.
The Sri Chinmoy lady engaged in conversation with me today. I stare at her amazing face hoping she doesn't realize how vacant I am as I take it all in and then stammer as it's my turn to speak. It tears at me. I know it's not rubbish chit chat but I just can't know what her intention is and how much of what I want influences my perception
. All sorts of related shit would float around my head at work, but the last few days that hasn't been happening and work has been much more enjoyable. Mind clearer. reward: conversation with the woman I think is so beautiful. This is so important to me. I love to have someone to share life with. It fills me.
I'm glad it's taking a long time. Anticipation guides and clears out so much falseness and anxiety. No rush to be something. What will be will be and I just can't change that. So in being patient I'm finding a greater depth in my self which will attract an equal depth.
What's the rush?
Please visit the breast cancer Site it does so much. and the hunger site and so on. Do it daily. This is such a great way to help. You'll love yourself for it.
Thank you.
I`ll try the breathing thing, and maybe the book. I`ll look into it for sure though.
I like your journal today. You sound like you are in a good place.
I am glad you are working towards `a greater depth` and actually talking to that woman you like.
Good luck with that.
Speak soon
[Edited on Oct 21, 2004 8:52AM]