bhavok

So from my last post, it seems like things have started to change.. How in only 1 week it seems things can change? well I've come to the conclusion that this is my life.. sometimes we have to live with panic attacks and anxiety in order to figure out where it is going to get us in life.. some will say that you don't have to live this way, things are possible to change.. i try to be as optimistic as possible, but its hard to see the blue skies under all of the grey clouds.. for a slight second i wasn't feeling so bad, it seemed as if life was changing, and then i turned my mind back on to think, and it went to hell all over again..

i went to school to change, i went to college to help chnge my future and give me a brighter after i left what i thought would be my enduring future as a ups delivery man, i had 4 years under my belt already.. i never met anyone else who was in high school, and who could sit in economics class, and actully talk about being in a union setting job, and be more descriptive about what was included, benefits, downfalls, setbacks, etc then his teacher could teach the class about being in a union.. but then 1 summer i had a chance to make some extra money in 1 summer as odd as it sounds, paintin tennis courts, and at the end of the summer I managed to rake in $11,000 for 4 months of work.. sure, it was nice, was I was a young, dumb, kid and not seeing any of the downfalls to it.. like no health insurance, no long term benefits, no employment once the winter months came.. so I decided to go back to school after a year of being out of high school.. I didn't like school, I had no money, a car payment, and found it rather hard to find a job in center city, philadelphia.. so I left school.. finally quit school, start working 2 jobs, get burned out, met my now ex fiance again, and thengo for broke on that situation.. nowhere am I when I look back?

well after trying school once more, I finally succeed with that, but can't get into the field I was hoping for, and now work a crappy easily replaceable job, I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled sometime soon, and shortly after that I am going to be getting my knee surgery finally.. and with knee surgery comes 9 weeks of disability, and 4-5 of those weeks not even being able to leave the bed or put weight onto my knee..

It might seem like I am bitching, whinning,or complaining alot, but isnt this the whole point of a blog? The only good news as of late is I am getting my feet tattooed January17th and February 7th..

The booty call girl I referred to from the last entry hasn't tried to get a hold of me lately.. So that makes me feel better, I don't feel as much as a " worthless piece of man meat " like before.. I'm not really one for politics, but I'm happy to see that the Democrats took the power back.. Hopefully things change soon.. I'd like to see my friends wife come back from over seas... I think I'm going to start my x-mas shopping soon, I always say I will, but never do.. Maybe this year I will actually do so.. Hope everyone is well..

Did anyone happen to catch this when it happened? I never did.. But it sounds good.. First version is Live, the second is studio version..





Also did anyone else hear that youtube.com was the invention of the year, named by Time magazine? I thought that was pretty nifty..