bhavok

I hate when you sit down, a good cup of coffee, and for some reason your stupid brain has to go wondering thru all the cobb webs of the past, and dig up an old memory of your ex / failed relationship and drwon over it..

I saw my ex fiance last saturday, and I'm content without talking her, but she has to stare at me, and I see her out of the corner of my eye.. And me being me, the nice me, the one who always crumbles when I see her even though I'm the one who broke it off, I have to be nice and wave back to her.. I was content without talking to her, which I didn't that night.. But here I go, myspace messaging her, even though she isn't on my friends list.. She watches my little nephew so she is on my sister-in-laws page, and I have to give the old " How are you doing, what's new, I'm a poor sap messaging you " type message... AAAHHHHHH it's so frustrating... Why, why, why, do i do these damn things.. Maybe it was because I went out to lunch with an old friend who is still friends with my ex, and for some god awful reason she has to bring her up, and proceeds to tell me how my ex was thinking of trying to patch things up with me, so we could get back together.. DAMN IT!!!! Why would you implament something like that into my head?? For god's sake, why?...

* Cock's the gun, inserts into mouth * Final thoughts are just, " Why, why me? Why won't she just go away? Not for good, just out of my head, where she can't do any damage?" I guess this is what happens when you were a teenage high school sweethearts couple.. Yes, i understand that I'm the one who broke off the wedding, and I look like the asshole to everyone we knew, everyone I know, and everyone who was around then and now, because I still get asked about it, and it's been 2 years since it's been broken off.. I'm the ASSHOLE.. I just hope this isn't going to be my Chasing Amy..