Again, after a few drinks, more thoughts. Few months ago, I ended the relationship with my now ex girlfriend. I fell out of it and didn't have it in me to lie to her for who knows how long. Peopl never tell you how hard it is to look into their eyes right before you crush them. On top of that, I sold my home and gave the dog to her(which i honestly had no issue with. They were BONDED) and am now living with a family friend. I can't focus on much and am slightly just going through the motions.
However, there is one thing or rather, one woman who I can't shake. This is where my uncertainty is and where I could use a female's POV or a legit honest opinion. While I don't think I'm 100% ready to go back into dating at this point(future Ms. Brendan is out there, she just doesn't know it yet), every time I talk to her or see her the blood starts pumping, my chest gets heavy and my heart beats like the fucking drum intro to the song Hot For Teacher by Van Halen(WOO VAN HALEN🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻).
A brief history lesson. Her and I work together and we have grown close on many levels over time. Shes older(early 50s and a redhead so holy fuck) but that's cool with me. She can't stand her boyfriend and is trying hard to get him out of her place and leave him as it was confessed her heart isn't in it. He hasn't slept with her in 2 years, prefers porn to her etc. We often hoked about getting together, I got promoted to the rank of work husband etc.
One night she came to my home a couple.months ago. We had drinks, I made dinner and watched the cult classic The Room, some cartoons and in general hadq an awesome time. She was drunk and before she went to sleep looked at me and said and I quote "Sorry I didn't open my legs for you. I'm just so tired." (Hello MEGA blue balls)
She's so fucking cool. Listens to the heavy tunes, makes great jokes, smart, beautiful and I've told her as much. She even joked that I could tell my buddies that we slept together. "You're cute with a splash of sexy", "have I told you how adorable you are" etc. Abd she was sober for these two examples. I do t think I am but whayevet. Maybe she has no standards
Thete is this pause between us every once in a while. Like she wants to say or do something do=with me but can't do t ol het baseline yet misplaced loyalty. My thing is this I guess, obviously would totally have the sex with her like all the sex. hold her,kiss her, romance her like I would the lady in my life. Then part of me is like nah just hook up for a bit. Granted, she has a bf she can't stand and I will NEVER interfere with someone's relationship unser ANY circumstance. It happened in my past and I would never do that to someone else. Except for my enemies because fuck thisr guys 😆😆😆🤣.
I have no clear thought on this. She is everything I would want and I do WANT. She wants out of her relationship. Do I wait and see or just move on? Or am I just being a dope? Or have o once again gotten drunk and made a foil of myself?
Please advise
