bettejean

So I'm moved into my boyfriend's parents house and things are going well. 5 days living here now and I think it's starting to hit me about my loss of independence. I know I'm in the best place I can be for my situation (no car, no job, no income once my next checks dry up) I have a beautiful place to stay, food, and I'm with my love so I have no complaints about any of that. I just can't get over my lack of car, my lack of "I can go somewhere if I want to." I hardly ever want to, but I miss that option. Hell, I think I've spent more time sitting in my car smoking in a drive-way than driving it. I don't need much But we're in the sticks so there isn't anywhere to walk to. It's a lot of ME time. I'm kind of scared I'm going to get sick of myself after awhile.

This takes me back to when I grew up on a farm in western Illinois. My parents both worked so I never had a ride to visit friends, and I was way way way too shy to ask my friends to come get me. Shit, I was way too shy to have more than 2 friends. So, it was me, my sisters that I never got along with, and farm cats. I liked going to school because I got to see people, snow days were bittersweet, a break from school but couldn't hang with friends. The country is a lonely place for me. I can write country songs about it all day. I probably will.

I'm trying to get myself into a schedule of doing stuff. I'm not going to waste my time in front of a television stoned and getting lumpy. I will be stoned, but not a potato. I'm going to better myself in any means I can. I'm think making each day of the week a "thing" is going to be most useful to me. So far Monday is Art Day, Tuesday is Reading Day...and that's as far as I've gotten. I'm kinda distracted today by my incoming ganja order, but I'll figure things out. I'm trying to give myself little projects to do. I'm open to ideas!

My set Goldenrod is still in Member Review. I absolutely love this set, I want to see it on front page! Please leave comments on it, give me some love, baby
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