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bettejean

Denver, Colorado

SG Since 2009

Followers 7092 Following 3940

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Friday Oct 22, 2010

Oct 22, 2010
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This sounds so morbid but I had share with you.
I am waiting for death to call.

It's just so odd to me. I don't think I've waited for death like this. Death has surprised me many times. Surprise, your U.S. History partner drove off a bridge and drowned! Looks like you'll give your project due today alone. Surprise, your friend drove his car off a ravine and is brain dead, his parents pulled the plug, it's a good thing you paid back that dollar he lent you the week before. My classmates and I spent my high school years afraid of dying as virgins. Relief was sighed when we found out cherries were popped but tears were on several desk tops when we had to stare at empty seats.
Once you're out of high school the next worry is "will I accomplish/live/fuck/travel/earn/love enough before I die?" We hastily fill our lives with memories/money/passport stamps/bed post notches/children that we one day choke on it and die.
I digress, waiting for death is an awkward thing. It's like waiting for the guy to call back but in this case you can't call them when you've waited long enough. Well, you can but. Nevermind.
How do you want to go? By surprise or by waiting?

art by Banksy
VIEW 25 of 41 COMMENTS
crazedone:
pics or stfu! tongue
Oct 26, 2010
porphyria:
It is a strange head space, selfishly it is nicer to have time, to have closure and to make peace.

My grandpa had alztimers and at it's worst stage I visited him all summer knowing his time was soon. A few months after I saw him the disease progressed to his brain physically impairing him, causing problems with coordination of swallowing and breathing, he passed away in his sleep from pneumonia infection because of it. I remember when I found out it didnt really hurt me as much as relieved me that he finally had peace, and that I was so grateful that I had gotten to spend time with him and say my goodbyes in my mind months earlier...
Oct 26, 2010

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