betrayal

Well, I didn't go to my boyfriends mums birthday. I just couldn't do it. I'm feeling a bit weird at the moment, I just couldn't deal with going somewhere new and meeting loads of new people. I'm a bit worried about it, I used to be the same when I was a lot younger, just scared to be left on my own in a social situation. Like a totally unfounded fear. It just really got to me yesterday. When I was younger I took a lot of drugs to make myself feel more secure but that's not really the answer now is it. Oh well, I guess I'm just fucking nuts!

My boyfriend got a bit of a hump on about the whole situation but then realised it was probably depression related and just let me be. Sometimes this world really gets to me.

I'm ok though, I've had a good sleep and I'm feeling refreshed. Had another freaky dream about the ex boyfriend who hit me. Very strange, I haven't thought about him in years and now here he is in my dreams all the time. I guess thinking about it, all my problems started with him, maybe my brain is trying to make me drag up the past to deal with it so I can move on.

Maybe this journal is just a load of crap?! Blah blah blah, I'm gonna go make some green tea and play with the cat, her new toy is my nail file which she goes absolutely mental for, licking it and all kinds? So not only am I nuts but of all the kitty cats I could have picked, I choose the totally insane one?!!

update...

I feel a lot better now. I just took all my frustration out on vacumming my flat. It was so dirty it took like an hour, and the vacuum is so crap I had to empty the bag twice!! I had fun chasing the cat though.