bess

I am 27 and in my mind, I am perfect. Don't deny it. You think you're perfect, too. You have things that only you can do. In my case (enough about you; let's talk about me), I am the only one who can scramble eggs with out burning them and making them taste like matches. I am also the only one who can polish my nails, cut my hair, AND I am the only one who can make a peanut butter and mozzerella cheese sandwich and make it taste good.

I think I need to address the purpose of this blog before I go any further. As all you other perfect people know, being perfect has its downfalls; the main one being that friends are optional. This stems from the fact that all my friends are stupid* (except the perfect ones) and so, as much as it pains me to do so, I try to avoid them at all costs. (*The truth is, they remind me of Rob and they still talk to Rob, and Rob said good-bye, and it hurts, and I can't take it, so I hid all my knives from myself and flushed most of my pills.) So, having no one left to talk to (my perfect friends are too perfect to listen to me be unperfect), I shall vent here. I'm sure you really don't care, but I'm also sure you don't exist and there is no one reading this, so it doesn't matter what I say here, does it?

Moving on...

Wait. I've got an awesome recipe for tuna noodle salad: 1 box of squiggly noodles, 2 large packets of white albacore, 1/2 large white onion, 6 green onions, 6 celery stalks, 6 hardboiled eggs, 2tbsps of mayo (maybe 3), lots of salt, pepper, and paprika sprinkled on the top makes it look pretty...and voila! Neat, huh? =D

So, anyway, within my illusion of perfection, I am a girl with issues. I cannot maintain a healthy romantic relationship for more than 2 days (but I can maintain a sick one for years), I still refer to myself as "a girl," I believe in Santa Claus, I think I'm a vampire, and I hate the Dixies Chicks. Obsessively. Especially that little blonde tart with the big mouth. I also don't like WB programming and Avril Lavigne gives me hives. You might think these are minor issues. Well, they are. Except for the relationship one. I think that one is kind of serious since I'm miserable and addicted to Xanex.

But really, if I had a blog, I'd probably post really lame stuff on it. I'd like to make it interesting and entertaining for the masses, so if you have any suggestions or threats, please feel free to do so. I slice, I dice, I write and sometimes I offer my soul up to anyone who will take it. I'll do almost anything for a dollar and the "almost" can be discussed over change.