beryn

So I've come to a tough decision. The ex who had destroyed my heart or so I had thought at least, is stable, and seems to be wanting to work things out. I honestly don't know why I'm considering it with all I was put through other than that I never did stop loving her, once the hurt had time to fade and be dealt with I realized it. I felt stupid for loving her even through all she had done, and sometimes I still think I'm being stupid. She has definitely changed and grown up a lot over the past year and a half, and most of it for the better it seems. I've been toying with these thoughts for a couple months since the idea of starting over/again had been tossed out there. Part of me wants to give it a shot, while the other part wonders just how bad it will hurt another time around if it doesn't work out... Through the past few months I've been observing and keeping an eye on things and she appears to be stable and actually focusing on some issues she has always avoided dealing with, and even has a really good plan in place for her life. There is definitely room for me to be back in it, and I of course never stopped caring for her. Just is it worth the risk of that much heartbreak again.... it took almost a year to feel like a piece of me was not missing anymore when everything happened. My heart says shut up and do it, but my brain is trying to keep me from getting hopeful. Sorry for the rambling, and anyone with advise/ideas I would be happy to chat with.