bernadette_

It's too cold today. I've spent hours today trying to figure out what is the right thing to do. Doing business with friends is risky. Especially in times where everyone is hurting and you're trying to get ahead. On the grand scale of life, does it matter more now that the company stay open for business or that you treat your friends well? I'm not even sure if that's the question I really need answered though. Because in some ways the whole reason I'm in this position is because we made some bad mistakes in the past.

But the hardest part is that if these friends of mine were anyone else, I cut them out right now. I don't like to feel crossed or betrayed. And what was done in the past borders betrayal. Be upfront and honest, and I'll fight till my death for you. I'll respect you and always do my best to look out for you. Loyalty means a ton to me. But in order for it to mean something, I have to place a high value on it in my life. But cross me once and we're done. Once.

Maybe it's bullshit. Maybe everyone will cross you at some time. And maybe the real way to live a peaceful life is to let go of expectations and allow new chances. Over and over and over. That sounds frightening and wonderful all at once.

I leave you with my color enhanced photo of my bleak day at work. Just paint all of it pretty perhaps.