beqa

I knew the bubble of happy wouldn't last.

But at least I have reasons to be low.

Then this happened:
"you are part of my happiness. Having you back in my life to atleast talk to is part of that happiness. The only thing better would for your life to be the way you want it to be.
And for me to see you truly happy."

Seemingly innocent statement by someone who obviously cares about me.

Problem is...it was made by someone I have been madly in love with for 17 years and cannot (probably ever) have. And who KNOWS that I have been madly in love with him for 17 years, and still am.

Took a while to stop crying.

I'm having friends pop up in the most unlikely of sources, trying to comfort me. But its not enough.
Every time I think about this shit plaguing me I just wanna fucking roll over & die.

I'm a person who wants to believe that deep down we are all decent people, but there are people out there I'm sorry to say are so evil they are beyond redemption. Its the cold reality of it. Somewhere along the line they just stopped caring? Or maybe they never cared at all.

i fail at love & life.