beqa

So I've recently discovered something. I not only can tolerate anal, but I can enjoy it too! And it apparently makes me "giddy" for days. Best anti-depressant I've ever had. Total convert to the dark side hahaha.
Almost wish I could get fucked in the ass daily! HAHA. Never thought I would say that!
Things with the guy are still complicated & rough. We are technically "not-together" but the heart wants what the heart wants. Had a former lover over earlier this week & I just could not get interested. And he's good in bed. I wanted to want him, but I just couldn't.
I'm a monogamous creature by nature. When I have feelings for someone I lose interest in everyone else. If i feel ignored tho....I guess that means I'm high maintenance, I like a lot of attention from my significant other. I don't want to be taken for granted. I'm insecure enough to need to feel wanted.
I haven't given up on him. Friday night was great, felt almost like when we first started seeing each other. Dont know what I can do. So emotionally tangled up, dont think I can get out of this without hurting, so might as well just go with it & hope maybe just maybe...*sigh* even after all i've been through, I'm still a hopeless romantic. And I adore him.