beqa

So last night I received a 4 page apology. Half a box of Kleenex later, I was able to compose myself a bit.
Angry
Sad
Angry
Sad
Angry
Resolved
Still sad.

On the one hand, since I wasnt expecting an apology of any kind, it was appreciated. On the other hand, the apology hurt almost as much as the betrayal. If not more.

Woke up...
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Now I'm tired of trying to keep you.
All I want to do is sleep.
And perhaps, when I'm sleeping,
You'll get back on your feet.
Maybe we forgot all the things we are, we are together...

I know what you're thinking.
It will never be the end.
And when the storm is over,
You won't see me again.
Didn't know the price I paid...
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I wrote this in 2004. (and funnily enough I didn't write it about anyone in particular)

Dirty Bird

Fade into you / fade out from me
Suffocate my unconscious
Creep into me / And bleed out for you
You rub me raw with intent
Breathe into you / And sigh out for me
Inflate my apathy
Fighting within / I did it again
But I'm...
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ok. I love Jill Scott...and well yes its glee...but i'm sorry but this girl does this song better than Jill. Amazing pipes...amazing song. and VERY appropriate for me right now.


I got my sass back.

I think there's something you should know / I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me / There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame / Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand / Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

Now I'm gonna get myself happy...
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disturbance

noun \di-str-bn(t)s\

1 : the act of disturbing : the state of being disturbed

2 : a local variation from the average or normal wind conditions

ambivalence

noun \am-bi-v-ln(t)s\

1: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action

2 a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)
b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow

despondent

adj \di-spn-dnt\
: feeling or showing extreme discouragement, dejection, or depression <despondent about his health>
despondently adverb
Synonyms: despairing, desperate, forlorn, hopeless
Antonyms: hopeful, optimistic
Synonym Discussion:
despondent, despairing, desperate, hopeless mean having lost all or nearly all hope. despondent implies a deep dejection arising from a conviction of the uselessness of further effort <despondent about yet another rejection>. despairing suggests the slipping away...
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So yesterday the whole "omg my baby is growing up fast" thing FINALLY hit me. I dropped my boo off at school & started toward work & suddenly i was crying. Stupid part was I wasn't thinking about her when i started crying so it took me a while to realize why i was so suddenly emotional. LOL.

Then I got a call from the...
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my one & only baby started her 1st day of Kindergarten today.

I'm stunned... but oddly not sad. I'm too happy for her.

i didn't cry...but her father started to when we left...he is not a big crier. Honestly that might be the 2nd or 3rd time I've seen him cry in the last 9 years.

I'm feeling worried that I'm NOT emotional about it....
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