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benzai_ten

Between here and the here after

Member Since 2008

Followers 29 Following 28

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Monday Jun 29, 2009

Jun 29, 2009
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Tonight I sit on my balcony facing the water. It has rained and the breeze is soft as it caresses my bare neck and shoulders. I hear that voice again..."This can all be over just pick up the phone, invite him back to your bed and the home that was built for him in your heart".

Another voice wafts to me on that same wind - "No, there is no going back no heart no home". I hear Amanda Marshall's Let It Rain filter through my open window..." I have given. I have given and got none.....let it rain let it rain on me..... I have been a witness to the perfect crime wipe the grin off my face to hide the blame....beaten at the hands of my own game....it isnt easy to be kind with all these demons in my mind...I only hope that one day I will be free....I do my best not to complain"

I go out, I play, I dance, I laugh, I drink....is any of it real? Have I somehow lost myself? Who am I now that we are no longer we. So simple just pick up the phone or come to him as he asks time and time again. If I go to him what do I lose? What do I gain?

The wind licks at my earlobe again....pick up the phone....it is now midnight and the ache is so strong I can feel it in every inch of my body.......

No regrets...so many many regrets....does my soul have a home that it has yet to find or is it exhiled to wander for eternity lost from the refuge it once held so dear?



wsoxfan:
You have chosen to open a window to your soul and allow us in. I for one applaud your ability and desire to share such deep and obviously conflicted feelings.

I tend to do the same thing when I have pent-up emotions running through my head. It's been less than a year and a half since I discovered social networking and blogging. I have only my friend Lyrical to thank for that, as she was the one who suggested I join this site. I never could have imagined when I joined SG that it would have such an impact on my everyday life.
Jun 29, 2009

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