Thursday Jun 05, 2008

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I find myself mildly depressed, again. I always seem to be struggling in everything i do and even in things i don't do, i can't escape my flaws and i become sad and pessimisstic at the realisation that i'll be stuck here fore the rest of my days - a realisation and state of mind that only serves to perpetuate and compound such an existance.

I'm in debt, who isn't nowadays, i'm working somewhere i hate and my photography still sucks. I don't earn enough money to live on the spur of the moment and i earn less than i need to purchase more camera gear and book shoots, I'm struggling to continue with the only thing that brings me any joy.

Because everyone needs a rant:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I'm bitter and jealous too, it sits just beneath my skin and every now and again it will boil over like a mini-eruption of molten lava, it will burn those in the path, usually the people close to me, and make me generally, feel worse. My sister has just had a baby, another teen mum (in Britain, gasp), she has never worked, her boyfriend is currently unemployed, they have no savings or money to speak of yet out of the baby they get a house, 100 to decorate, 1000 to get set up with furniture etc, they get 400 of my gran for a cooker, 1400 off my autie for a sofa and bed as well as a fridge/freezer and washer from my parents. Totalling over 3000 in handouts. On top of that they get 100-200 per month benefits, practically being paid to stay at home. Heres the jealousy, what the fuck about me!



My latest shoot, which will be my last for awhile, probably until Christmas at least, was a reasonable sucess and i believe it is my best yet. Still not great by any means but it is yet another improvement on what i've shot so far. The model was absoloutely stunning too, a couple of pics below, check out my site for the rest.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)





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