benni

melancholy today... my head is going crazy and i am overwhelmed with new things and terror...

i can't seem to stop listening to the saddest songs i can dig out of my collection, but i'm not unhappy... it's odd. i'm in this fantastic plateau of a mood where i'm not sure if it's good or if it's bad, but all day i've been drifting in and out of this dreamless sleep...

i never not dream...

i put all of my rings on today. it's been weeks since i've been able to wear them all... they just didnt feel right...

my tummy hurts and technology has provided me with these great mini disposable heating pads... they're white and sticky and kidney shaped, and they warm for something like twelve hours. i don't know that they help anything, but they're like a comfort blanket... i wear them under my clothes and i never get cold.

i hate taking antibiotics.

i hate only having twenty four hours in a day, and i hate knowing what i'm going to say in my update before i turn my computer on, but the second i sit everything becomes a blank. i thought i had everything planned out, and this is nothing like i thought i would write.

it sounds like the person who lives above me is playing the bass guitar. good for them. that means i can continue to be as noisy as i like...

god i have to clean my apartment. my kitchen is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. except that one time...

i wish i were here more... i miss everyone. it's so funny how i have such a better relationship with all of you here than with people in the real world... i just don't understand those people, and it's so much easier for my to type than it is for me to speak...

a woman of few words.

i'm trying to send my love out to everyone... can you feel it? did good things happen to all of you today? i hope so.

i slept. dreamless... it was nice. and kind of scary.



i ate sooooo much chicken today...