I saw Clueless with my parents today. I liked the memories of the 90s it brought back, but it was a bad movie. For a long time I was nostalgic for the 90s. Now I miss three, four, five years ago. I'm nostalgic for the early part of this decade. Whatever it's called. When I was visiting my girlfriend last, we watched Mean Girls, and that brought back memories, not of the movie itself, which I had never seen before, but of the pop culture of a few years back. Now it's my favorite movie.
My paranoia's better. Or maybe it's just different. I stiopped taking my meds for ahwile, and then I couldn't sleep at night. I imagined the dark was hiding something. I've had that problem before, before I was on zyprexa or risperdal. So I would wait until daylight to go to sleep. Well this last time the same thing happened. The same way. The only thing different this time is what the dark was hiding. It was hiding devils and/or satanists.
See, my girlfriend told me about book she had read about a girl who was believed to have suffered satanic ritual abuse. She read me passages of the book, and I thought it sounded interesting so she bought me a copy as a gift. Now, I believe that nearly all alleged cases of sra are untrue, but this book, combined with my not taking the meds, led to me fearing satanists in the night. I worried they were hiding in the darkness and I wanted a knife so I could protect myself and stab those motherfuckers if they tried anything. For whatever reason I didn't sleep with a knife by my bed, like I had before I started taking meds. Anyway, I'm back on zyprexa now (I have been for awhile) and those feelings have passed.
I wouldn't say my paranoia's gone away by any means though. I still feel uncomfortable around my parents, for reasons I have trouble describing. Strangely, I feel more comfortable around them at night than in the daytime. I moved from my old city, and left my old job, because too many people there knew my name and could recognize my face. For some reason that bothers me. So now I'm back in Bmore.
My paranoia's better. Or maybe it's just different. I stiopped taking my meds for ahwile, and then I couldn't sleep at night. I imagined the dark was hiding something. I've had that problem before, before I was on zyprexa or risperdal. So I would wait until daylight to go to sleep. Well this last time the same thing happened. The same way. The only thing different this time is what the dark was hiding. It was hiding devils and/or satanists.
See, my girlfriend told me about book she had read about a girl who was believed to have suffered satanic ritual abuse. She read me passages of the book, and I thought it sounded interesting so she bought me a copy as a gift. Now, I believe that nearly all alleged cases of sra are untrue, but this book, combined with my not taking the meds, led to me fearing satanists in the night. I worried they were hiding in the darkness and I wanted a knife so I could protect myself and stab those motherfuckers if they tried anything. For whatever reason I didn't sleep with a knife by my bed, like I had before I started taking meds. Anyway, I'm back on zyprexa now (I have been for awhile) and those feelings have passed.
I wouldn't say my paranoia's gone away by any means though. I still feel uncomfortable around my parents, for reasons I have trouble describing. Strangely, I feel more comfortable around them at night than in the daytime. I moved from my old city, and left my old job, because too many people there knew my name and could recognize my face. For some reason that bothers me. So now I'm back in Bmore.
fredricka:
Wow, I can really relate to that. I'm on Zyprexa as well together with three other antipsychotics and doing ok, but in periods where I've been off the meds I've been totally delusional. I used to believe I were followed by a secret order who poisoned my food and monitored my thoughts. It's a horrible state to be in. Nice to hear from someone who's experienced something similar.