ben999

I'm feeling better today. Earlier I was scared. I don't know of what exactly. Maybe of all my friends abandoning me. Maybe of something else. The fear is still with me, but it's not as strong as it was. Even my closest friends are distant. I want a girlfriend again, because I hate being alone, but I seek it out. Solitude I mean. Whenever I am around people I want to be somewhere else. There's a balance that I haven't found yet. Maybe it's because I don't get close to people, event though I really want to. But I wonder if there's such a thing as too close. Maybe it's better that I keep some distance between myself and other people.

My best friend right now...I don't know who that is. Maybe it's Patrick, who I've known since kindergarten. Maybe it's Brandi, who calls me every day. Maybe it's my ex, who I still feel attached to, inspite of the way she's treated me. Maybe it's Zhara, who is one of the few people outside of my family who genuinely seems to care about me.