ben999

I'm happy right now. I hope this lasts.

I'm seriously considering going on disability. I have no income now. It's been a long time since I've had a job and at this point I don't think I can hold one down. Not that I don't have reservations about this whole thing. My understanding is that qualifying is a long and uncertain process. Also there's a stigma associated with recieving government money if you...
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And I'm back...yet again.

It's been awhile since I posted in here. I'm feeling down. Symptoms have been acting up. I don't really want to go into detail about that, mainly because I find it difficult to express it in words right now. It's hot and bright here. I wish it wasn't. I said awhile ago, years ago I think, that I wished there was a schizophrenia spectrum disorders...
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Alright. I'm back. My girlfriend got back to New Jersey days ago. I've just felt very tired and depressed, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to write anything here. I'm in Baltimore right now and aside from me and the pets the house is empty. I wish I had more to report, some good news. Maybe another day.

My girlfriiend's coming in today, and I'll probably be too busy to update for the next few days. Just in case you're wondering where I am. Take care, everyone.

I was looking through my old blog entries and my last blog looks like one I wrote in 2007. I guess some things don't change that much.

On another note, I wonder if anyone reads what I write. I'd still write on here even if I knew no one was reading, and as far as I know no one is, but it's something that I...
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I think I've been doing things wrong for the past few years. At this point I'm not sure how to do things right. I feel very nostalgic for six or seven years ago. Not that I was always happy back then, there were many times when I wasn't, but things were different, better in some ways.

I'll never live the American dream cliche, with the...
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I feel very alone right now. Not as alone as I want to be, but alone nonetheless. It feels nice. There are some things on my profile I really should change, but not tonight. Tonight I revel in the solitude.

My paranoia flared up again today and I think I upset and worried my girlfriend a little. The zyprexa keeps it under control, but doesn't get rid of it completely. Really I'm not sure there's ever a time when I'm totally paranoia free. Maybe for brief periods. I'm not even sure about that though. But the meds make it so much more manageable.

The good...
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My midterm grade in programming was an A! I'll be able to post more soon. Also I'm going to see what I can do about getting new pictures up. It's still going to be a few days before I can do that though. In the meantime enjoy the picture of the dog.

I'm still busy with school. I have a math exam coming up soon.