Having hope for the future is tearing me apart. If I could give up I'd be far better off. How do I stop caring and just become numb? I won't kill myself because of the pain it would cause others but I can't go on like this any longer. Tempted to just stop taking my meds, it's not killing myself if I just stop fighting my heart failure right? Just letting nature finish what it started over 15 years ago. Everyone would be better off had it happened back then anyway. Not like anything is going to get better anyway, or even change much. Oh well, back to ennui. No worries about suicide, I'll stay alive even if I'm not living.
