bellensebastian

alright. may not be on for awhile, or may bombard the internerd with my presence: tonight i get my new computer and it is a freaky monster home build fucking machine. i have never actually had a new computer and i have never had my webcam and other camera enabled environment available to me. therefore.. i am fucking excited to become a webwhore cam fuck. wish me luck baby... and see you all when i return.

Valentines Day sucketh mightily.

ive exceded the amount of loands that i can get
its only one semester and i am done

as for you helping out at my job..
haha
if knew what job it was...
i dont think you will be able to help

lets just say im in sales
and i hate what im selling and it shows

8)

(cyst. Haha!!)

Hehe, anytime, yo. Let it all off of your, um, chest...
I was going to say I'd be in the kiddie pool, but eWW. Nah, I'll just stay outta the water.

Good luck with the date!

i should cut my hair .... hmmm ... where did i put those scissors ....

I do agree with you 99% of the time so we should be friends. Espeically since I might need to run to Canada if things get really bad here.

I am tax illiterate . All this damn schooling, and I can't fill in spaces and follow directions. Luckily I took them home with me, and my mother helped ("now what did you just do?" "so you added this line and that one?"). Thank God!!

[punctuation]

[Edited on Feb 09, 2004 6:43PM]

ugh. taxes.
glad to hear your bronchitis is getting better.
perhaps i should get a hair cut and be totally cured.

lol

i just cleaned the shower in my ghetto.

now there is not "algae" or whatever that shit is. so it is now slippery as a fucking ice cube tray filled with frozen astro-glide.

i am going in.

mmm, astro-glide. going in? good luck !

>>winning this war is not the cause.. it is the fight that makes money..

can I kiss you ? it is so obvious yet so hard to explain !

thanx !

>>winning this war is not the cause.. it is the fight that makes money..

can I kiss you ? it is so obvious yet so hard to explain !

thanx !

( )

"stagnation sucks when it enshrouds those that we love, and love sucks when it protects those that we hold dear from the harsh light of reality."

yes. it is an incredibily difficult thing to see someone who has a lot of potential just spiral downward. this isn't the first time i've put myself in this situation, but i'm hoping it will be the last.

thanks for the journal response. i was checking out yer profile...scar tissue huh? i know all about that. (if indeed you don't mean scars from physical accidents.)

the aim of my life over the past 2 years has been to keep my head up and not fall into old patterns. then i meet someone i jive with and now this. it's really tempting in moments as such to just go out and say FUCK IT. FUCK IT ALL.

i am hoping a good drunk tonite will clear me out a bit.

he is coming home later this afternoon and he pretty much stated that we either work shit out today or it's done. so i sit here and wait. and smoke. and drink coffee. and think.

the thinking is the worst of it. i have resolved to not raise my voice and, if he begins verbal attacks as a defense mechanism (which is common), i will not fly off the handle. i am liquid. tranquil.

yer from toronto, eh? do you ever listen to the constantines? i like them.

anyway, nice to meet you, (sorta, i guess) and if ya don't mind, i'll add ya to my friend list since you were so very kind to take all that time to read my journal entry and respond with nice words.

time for another coffee and smoke. cheers.

in the weather industry, it would be called a "mixed-bag".

in the emotional industry, it would be called "fokked".

essentially i have too much of one thing that everyone considers luxury.. well lots of things that everyone would consider luxury.. and as is always the case with the fairy tales and with the romance movies.. there is that one thing that i want that i cannot buy nor can i find.

love.

and like you said earlier on.. having faith that it will happen one day is crap. especially when every whim is normally instantly gratified in this instant gratification system.

i really need a new hobby because love-finding is not as good as rock polishing and cage-fighting hahaha.

the kitchen is my vice and my stadium lately. my little ghetto kitchen where wonders happen. i don't have a kitchen table though because i always cook for one for the most part. even having the boys over to watch the Hockey Game allows me the chance to cook. the boys don't want to drink red wine and their eyes are not beautiful like a romantic girl ha.

how is LL treating you ha. me = fun but still ugh. it is hard to have that slow motion moment AFTEr you have chatted and emailed and known what is happening. less stomach butterflies and more like masturbation? that is not fair for a description! but for the moment it is as it is.

my new computer parts are on the way!!

i am now officially a computer internerd.

this internerd status means that anyone can see me when i am cam-whoring from home.

countdown is on.

my excitement stems from not even being able to edit a photo or upload stuff from my digital camera etc.

Thanks.