i am going to try and remember to advocate proper use of time stamps in my journal.
current time and context: 9:06am. In the office. Kevin kicked two fresh holes in one of the walls. I cannot wait until construction starts on my new office. Then there will be a no-hole rule. I will push for a full sized punching bag instead.
Beard and hair:...
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current time and context: 9:06am. In the office. Kevin kicked two fresh holes in one of the walls. I cannot wait until construction starts on my new office. Then there will be a no-hole rule. I will push for a full sized punching bag instead.
Beard and hair:...
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self medication - someone needs assistance says this robot
work is my new name. it is the new game. it pays the bills, my sub for pills. one day she will come around the mountain and when she comes..
work is my new name. it is the new game. it pays the bills, my sub for pills. one day she will come around the mountain and when she comes..
new pic of my hair growing. i am officially on a hair cutting strike. one week to go.
hope all is well. me: cookies in the oven, mmm
hope all is well. me: cookies in the oven, mmm
no:
Hair cutting strike. Excellent. I gave my roommate a mohawk last night. Looks good.
Trichomes. Lovely science word.
For me: Beauty is what makes me happy; Happiness is caused by beauty. But then sometimes it makes me sad.. And there is beauty in the tragic and desparate. Anyway, I think it is what I live for. I guess that sounds right.
Trichomes. Lovely science word.
For me: Beauty is what makes me happy; Happiness is caused by beauty. But then sometimes it makes me sad.. And there is beauty in the tragic and desparate. Anyway, I think it is what I live for. I guess that sounds right.
i am entirely a candidate for self-medication via large doses of hydroponically achieved trichomes.
the sun broke through the clouds tonight. I was walking west and it caught me right in the eyes, warming me and stirring thoughts of springtime smells and long lost ideas.
tell me what beauty is.
tell me what beauty is.
now i am evil: i fell asleep just now at my desk. i am in a secure location and can only be accessed with the right security, but it was a security guard that woke me up.
ugh. so tired.
ugh. so tired.
she knows i have a crush on her.
sigh.
due to her intense heat, i feel that if i touch her, i will be scolded and end up with 3rd degree burns and blisters.
i really do have to turn into an emotionless robot. no pain.
sigh.
due to her intense heat, i feel that if i touch her, i will be scolded and end up with 3rd degree burns and blisters.
i really do have to turn into an emotionless robot. no pain.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
analise:
the blissful early stages. ah. the anticipation. the butterflies in the stomach. the satisfaction of just *being near* the person. enjoy it, enjoy it!!!!! and if she's into it...go for it! life's too short (although at times feels long), and there's nothing worse than regret.
which reminds me of something that i thought was fucking hilarious: did you see "magnolia"? the scene where the old dude is on his death bed with cancer and talking about "the regret, oh the regret" and it's all cliche and stuff....and then he says, "This is so fucking boring." I LOVE THAT PART.
i suppose the key also is to not take things too seriously. let be.
which reminds me of something that i thought was fucking hilarious: did you see "magnolia"? the scene where the old dude is on his death bed with cancer and talking about "the regret, oh the regret" and it's all cliche and stuff....and then he says, "This is so fucking boring." I LOVE THAT PART.
i suppose the key also is to not take things too seriously. let be.
bellensebastian:
it was so nice.
and it was all friends.
we slept in the same bed and cuddled as two people who get it yet are comprehending the idea that we are both enigmatic right now.
i am unsure if it is emotional unavailability between two completely comfortable people or whether it is just two people hanging out.
still. i do recognize i have a crush on her. i do recognize that i look up to her in so many ways. and i am respectful of her, so it was nice to just hold someone all night.
this being said. no kissing. no anything. i have not shaved for over a week, so i am building a hair-barrier of prickly fencing around my mouth. this way i do not have to deal with sexy things.
yes, i am following the lead of israel and building a security barrier to protect myself from getting over my head.
and yet damn. she is so damn good. i wish i could hug her all day. and this is me talking. the sleazebag who seems to have turned around.
too bad it was all nearly ruined by my stupid ex and her freaking baggage that she has imposed upon me. i have been taken advantage of because i am nice. now it is time to cut the strings on her. she can pay for her own university shit. she can earn her own way. it is sad because first and foremost she was a friend. yet she has taken a new path. and i have to respect her choice by being cold to her.
and it was all friends.
we slept in the same bed and cuddled as two people who get it yet are comprehending the idea that we are both enigmatic right now.
i am unsure if it is emotional unavailability between two completely comfortable people or whether it is just two people hanging out.
still. i do recognize i have a crush on her. i do recognize that i look up to her in so many ways. and i am respectful of her, so it was nice to just hold someone all night.
this being said. no kissing. no anything. i have not shaved for over a week, so i am building a hair-barrier of prickly fencing around my mouth. this way i do not have to deal with sexy things.
yes, i am following the lead of israel and building a security barrier to protect myself from getting over my head.
and yet damn. she is so damn good. i wish i could hug her all day. and this is me talking. the sleazebag who seems to have turned around.
too bad it was all nearly ruined by my stupid ex and her freaking baggage that she has imposed upon me. i have been taken advantage of because i am nice. now it is time to cut the strings on her. she can pay for her own university shit. she can earn her own way. it is sad because first and foremost she was a friend. yet she has taken a new path. and i have to respect her choice by being cold to her.
i have to wake up.
i am sleep walking through life today.
boo hoo.
it should just be boo.
i am sleep walking through life today.
boo hoo.
it should just be boo.
spunkrockj:
So many of my friend said the B&S DVD wasn't their cup of tea. I think they're crazy. I watched it four times last night. Your movement to tears is perhaps a stronger reaction than mine, but I'm definitely spellbound every time I turn it on.
On that note, time to wake up. It's St. Patrick's Day, which means you're either drunk by now, or, like me, inside your house with a book, hiding from the drunken masses outside.
On that note, time to wake up. It's St. Patrick's Day, which means you're either drunk by now, or, like me, inside your house with a book, hiding from the drunken masses outside.
drama.
and i know now that there is the most-beautiful girl out there.
she is moving to NYC soon though - sigh.
why do we always want what we cannot have?
and i know now that there is the most-beautiful girl out there.
she is moving to NYC soon though - sigh.
why do we always want what we cannot have?
bellensebastian:
and yes, it seems like i feel like being a sobbing idiot way too much. none of the "cool" things are cool anymore. if someone offers to cheer me up with whatever.. i know it is probably not going to work. don't get me wrong. i am happy most of the time. it is just that when i get the random emails from my ex, it kicks me in the chest really really hard.
and nothing will ever get me over that. except time that is. time.
and nothing will ever get me over that. except time that is. time.
having a crush on someone who you know you can't ever be with = cruddy.
i can only sigh at how perfect she is.
sigh.
are there other girls out there like this? i am sure of it. still. heart studdering. eye watering. fucking complete.
i can only sigh at how perfect she is.
sigh.
are there other girls out there like this? i am sure of it. still. heart studdering. eye watering. fucking complete.
wonderpants:
LOVE STINKS!! Yeah, yeah...Love Stinks!
Oh yes it does...to high heaven
How's it goin', what's new?
Oh yes it does...to high heaven
How's it goin', what's new?
wonderpants:
I know what you mean...I am only now just starting to wean myself off of the emotional rescuer teet; it's a bitch and a half.
No more drama in our lives...
Now I run the other way...still haven't quite figure out how to run to the good ones yet, but at least my life is less of a mess now
No more drama in our lives...
Now I run the other way...still haven't quite figure out how to run to the good ones yet, but at least my life is less of a mess now
key to my mental health is apparently nutritionally based.