bellensebastian

today is a day.

another day, over the day.

today i learned some more because my eyes are always open.

you know, i have sheilded myself in so many ways, and then took that insulated me and subjected myself to emotional weirdness.

my car became like a blanket. i could always look with envy at the people on the red TTC while i sat hiding in my warm green VW.

my apartment became my ghettoized hideout from no badguy.

the martini bar with the cutout booths were easy to hide in, and two drinks could wash away and indoctrinate me into believing that my writing was not an escape. it is. it was. it will be.

i am opening up now though. blooming and flowering. it has been an ongoing process that i have measured to have taken a few months now. it actually started a few years ago, but i don't count those times because i was mildly fucked up on booze, pills, and life.

now i afford myself room to breath yet am mired in the beauty and fun of life. i know that i do not know anything. i know that i have to open up my life a bit and not be afraid of being bitten by a girl. and i know that love is beautiful, fragile and potentially finite (and definitely infinite).

my heart is growing. two sizes almost too big.