So here it is.. Sunday morning, and I again find myself parked at my desk, sitting in this temporary office asking whether construction will ever be complete. Everything is in flux. Maybe if I actually had a new computer at home I could be there, but then who would take care of all of these magical emergencies on a Sunday morning (when I should be at home watching politics unfold as they do on a Sunday on broadcast TV or reading the Economist or the paper at some brunch place on Queen that doesn't know how to make a proper cup of tea?).
Whatever dude.. these early mornings.. they help put time behind me, and they line the pockets with the duccats and dabloons. IMd with the ex last night. Told her that I had to refuse her invitation to lunch and dinner because I physically cannot lay my eyes on her for blah blah blah reasons. She said she appreciated the honesty and that she thought I was nice for being so cool about my ex ex dying and wanting to help by giving her someone to talk with.
I just hope I can turn the corner and have my time alone. I am actually glad to be untalkative with people now. Making the quiet life a habit could be a bad thing, but I just need this period of quiet introspection with a wooden face.
That and I need to punish my body with brutal workouts lol. Am I punishing myself? Really I do not think so. I treat myself well actually.. pamper and spoil would be better descriptives ha. I guess pampering myself without the company of a lover is like punishment of sorts. I am built to share, and not fulfilling that desire is why I pour this shit into a journal. Oh I miss sharing.
Whatever dude.. these early mornings.. they help put time behind me, and they line the pockets with the duccats and dabloons. IMd with the ex last night. Told her that I had to refuse her invitation to lunch and dinner because I physically cannot lay my eyes on her for blah blah blah reasons. She said she appreciated the honesty and that she thought I was nice for being so cool about my ex ex dying and wanting to help by giving her someone to talk with.
I just hope I can turn the corner and have my time alone. I am actually glad to be untalkative with people now. Making the quiet life a habit could be a bad thing, but I just need this period of quiet introspection with a wooden face.
That and I need to punish my body with brutal workouts lol. Am I punishing myself? Really I do not think so. I treat myself well actually.. pamper and spoil would be better descriptives ha. I guess pampering myself without the company of a lover is like punishment of sorts. I am built to share, and not fulfilling that desire is why I pour this shit into a journal. Oh I miss sharing.
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This was part of my ponder tonight. I am going to purchase the parts to assemble my very first frankencomputer. I am far from the bispectacled computer assembler.. yet I think I can do good with 300$ and some parts. It will allow me to start with a good old fashion clean canv-ass. All of those home shoots can be put to disk and stored away for eons to pass and then one day i can look the dirty history up and laugh. Instead it just pains me to look at the fun and realize that there is this invisible glass wall between me and those times. It is not a bad thing. First the situation is only fairly scened out though. Ex girlfriend, with whom I mutually ended a long distance yet torrid relationship, and what was not really a long distance, but we are both so passionate, well she has moved into my neighborhood for four months. She is here on a work contract and lives literally 5 minutes from me. So there is like this glass wall between us. So close, and so far. For giant reasons we are apart so it just sucks but feels good. I swear somedays I feel like just buying a condo downtown or upping and moving somewhere other than ex central. This is probably why it will be healthy for me to perceive the ex ex and realize that they are just like healthy ghosts that are out there rattling chains. No biggie. Just pining a bit I guess.
Us weak-knee boys are the best hehe.