alright.. so here is the situation..
one ex g/f is apparently not doing well (re: dying maybe??).. and that has freaked me out and led to many strange dreams at night.. i sent her an email today.. the first time we have spoken after a bad breakup over 3 years ago.
my most recent ex g/f is apparently not doing well financially or scholastically and has called me a few times today already.. it is like she wants me as her boyfriend, yet when the fun times are to be had, she is gone. i support her because i love her as a bestfriend and because i am a giant sucker i guess.
and now this girl that i am seeing tells me that she has not been using birth control and has been relying on the condoms we use.. i asked a little too late on that one and i am equally at question over that. i made the assumption that she is using birth control. it is not like she is pregnant, but when asked what she would do if she got pregnant, she said she would either kill herself or keep the baby.
i have serious issues with girls i think. i want to live in a self-imposed bubble of female exile.. or at least find a girl that won't A) leave for a poor musician who does bad art, B) for reasons unexplained and false and come back when it is convenient sexually and C) not all fucked up and confused about life.
Mind you.. i am always all fucked up about life.. yet I try to keep it coherent and focus on what I can in a positive manner.. I want to create. I want to keep healthy. I want to make my money in the corporate world. And I want to be involed in a mutually beneficial relationship with another romantic who has a good fucking eye and palate for food and fun and art.
Am I stupid for wanting perfection.. I think I spend too much time looking, and not enough time being.?
one ex g/f is apparently not doing well (re: dying maybe??).. and that has freaked me out and led to many strange dreams at night.. i sent her an email today.. the first time we have spoken after a bad breakup over 3 years ago.
my most recent ex g/f is apparently not doing well financially or scholastically and has called me a few times today already.. it is like she wants me as her boyfriend, yet when the fun times are to be had, she is gone. i support her because i love her as a bestfriend and because i am a giant sucker i guess.
and now this girl that i am seeing tells me that she has not been using birth control and has been relying on the condoms we use.. i asked a little too late on that one and i am equally at question over that. i made the assumption that she is using birth control. it is not like she is pregnant, but when asked what she would do if she got pregnant, she said she would either kill herself or keep the baby.
i have serious issues with girls i think. i want to live in a self-imposed bubble of female exile.. or at least find a girl that won't A) leave for a poor musician who does bad art, B) for reasons unexplained and false and come back when it is convenient sexually and C) not all fucked up and confused about life.
Mind you.. i am always all fucked up about life.. yet I try to keep it coherent and focus on what I can in a positive manner.. I want to create. I want to keep healthy. I want to make my money in the corporate world. And I want to be involed in a mutually beneficial relationship with another romantic who has a good fucking eye and palate for food and fun and art.
Am I stupid for wanting perfection.. I think I spend too much time looking, and not enough time being.?