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belarosebud

Los Angeles, California

Member Since 2010

Followers 326 Following 330

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Wednesday Mar 02, 2011

Mar 2, 2011
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So today I am starting to take up yoga again to help with my anxiety and panic that I feel almost always.

I have never been to a doctor to get "diagnosed" for something psychologically wrong, but I feel from the reading I have done, and the psychology I began studying in high school, which led me to a psych major in college (which I did not finish, because I was having depression issues) & psychology doesn't help, the information I learned just made it worse--more fuel for the fire type thing.

I left after two years of psych in college and started culinary school for baking and pastry, which made me very happy and I found my passion in life, but due to depression again, I left after a few months of that as well, which I am oh so very sad about.

And fast-forwarding to now, I have realized looking at my past and looking deep inside who I was, who I knew, how I handled myself. I did a lot of research and read about a lot of the things I once studied and began to find a lot of the disorders I related to, I was not trying to read about things to make things up for myself, I just needed to know what it is I am going through to help me help myself better. And so far so good, with the help of my lovely boyfriend, who has been through so much shit with me.

I stand back from body spiritually and mentally and see how I am acting, and it is in a way that I can't even recognize and it scares me and I just focus and remember this is just random feelings that do not carry any weight in my life.

But after all this babbling, to help myself figure out what the hell is wrong with my emotions and mind, I've reached the conclusion that i have an anxiety disorder/issue, i get panic attacks, a bit of OCD, a slight manic-depressive & bipolar personality, and i have an impulsive temper.

Like I mentioned, though, I've never been to a doctor for "diagnoses" nor do I want to. I will go and they will give me chemical drugs, something I would NEVER succumb to, I just do not believe in it. I believe in having a strong spirit and the will power to change your own life, because your mind can wander and create so many thoughts, and you need to know which to give credit to and which to ignore. And chemical drugs...forget it! This is why I am a medical marijuana patient, marijuana is natural and does not kill your mind and your spirit like those pills that are fed to people who have panic or stress...do some yoga!!!!

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