AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so, wed we went to see the hills have eyes, and im still terrified!
and then we woke up hell early the next day, and went straight to glasgow (after a night with no sleep cos i was scared of mutents! pathetic eh?...)
then we did touristy things, and went to museums, and walked around happy that we live in edinburgh (it was colder and rainier in glasgow)
and yesterday, yesterday was st paddies. it was also the 2nd anniversary to my dad's death. and i really tried to be ok (my whole family lives in israel, and then remembrance service was there as well) i thought the best thing to do would just be to ignore it. forget it was yesterday, go out, have a good time... it was a bit of a mistake, at some point in the evening i just remembered, and it was lucky, cos my boy and our friends wanted to leave anyway, but i had this sick feeling, not guilt, because my dad would be happy to see me having fun, something more, just like that enormous feeling of sudden undeserved selfish loss that i felt when he was killed. odd, because that feeling hasnt come back since the shiva (the 7days of jewish morning right after the funeral).
its not like me to grieve, i didnt really ever do it, but last night i just started crying, half asleep, but crying, it becomes weird when youre not even aware of whats happening and you can just feel the tears streaming from your eyes. anyway, enough of that!
how was everyones st paddies?!
so, wed we went to see the hills have eyes, and im still terrified!
and then we woke up hell early the next day, and went straight to glasgow (after a night with no sleep cos i was scared of mutents! pathetic eh?...)
then we did touristy things, and went to museums, and walked around happy that we live in edinburgh (it was colder and rainier in glasgow)
and yesterday, yesterday was st paddies. it was also the 2nd anniversary to my dad's death. and i really tried to be ok (my whole family lives in israel, and then remembrance service was there as well) i thought the best thing to do would just be to ignore it. forget it was yesterday, go out, have a good time... it was a bit of a mistake, at some point in the evening i just remembered, and it was lucky, cos my boy and our friends wanted to leave anyway, but i had this sick feeling, not guilt, because my dad would be happy to see me having fun, something more, just like that enormous feeling of sudden undeserved selfish loss that i felt when he was killed. odd, because that feeling hasnt come back since the shiva (the 7days of jewish morning right after the funeral).
its not like me to grieve, i didnt really ever do it, but last night i just started crying, half asleep, but crying, it becomes weird when youre not even aware of whats happening and you can just feel the tears streaming from your eyes. anyway, enough of that!
how was everyones st paddies?!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
mentalrage:
I know I need to get more I waste too much of my life at work it's depressing. 
waldo_____:
Sorry about that. I should have been more careful/less paranoid. Still finding my feet as - well I guess it has to be Group Captain, doesn't it 