I hate Jem and the Holograms.

3

This new movie is gonna be a condescending, nostalgia raping, pile of uber shit.

As a prepubescent boy that grew up in the radical age of Saturday morning cartoons and Smurfberry motherfucking crunch, I used to catch episodes of Jem and the Holograms right after Robotix and right before Inhumanoids. The moment I heard the few notes of that damn catchy theme song, I was hooked and it became an instant guilty pleasure. But there was no fucking way I was telling my friends that. Remember: I was a boy, in the 80's, and I wasn't sure what vagina was but I knew I wanted to get some of it in the future.

So I watched the pilot miniseries. Would they save the foster house? Fuckin' A Jerrica is hot! Synergy is pretty rad! Are Jerrica and Rio gonna hook up? Why are the Misfits such bitches but, fuck... I really like their songs too.

Eventually Jem and the Holograms got replaced in my viewing queue with Gummy Bears and the Real Ghostbusters because of time slot Saturday morning real estate, and I gave in to the boys should watch boys shows struggle within me, because again; 80's.

It wasn't until my middle school friend, another heterosexual male, but now that I think about it maybe not, not like it fucking ever mattered, revealed to me that he had one of the cassette tapes that came with the Jem and the Holograms dolls; he straight jacked it from his cousin. We popped it in and jammed to the music that actually wasn't bad- very Debbie Gibson vs. Tiffany pop bubblegum awesomeness. We had a laugh about how we dug the show but kept it under wraps and I'm pretty sure I revealed Jerrica as my cartoon crush because I'm a nerd and cartoon girls don't reject you or make fun of you like real ones can.

So I was understandably apprehensive when they announced the new film, the reboot. I became more apprehensive when I saw the cast. I wanted t puke when I found out the plot.

They'd stripped Jem and the Holograms of all of it's magic and hope and silly drama and turned it into Coyote fucking Ugly for grade schoolers.

Fuck you Hollywood.

This is how I'll always remember Jem and the Holograms; a brightly colored pop sensation with a heart of gold and a cause we could all cheer for.

So yeah, I drew and non Skrillexed Jem.

~beensentoe

zimay:
I completly agree with you. I saw the teaser and I expect for a good 80's punk rock movie with good vibes for the ears like great rock'n'roll songs as we knew when we were young...I was disgusted to see that Hollywood was mistaken about the audience, they has not targeted the good ones, but the teenagers...too bad!!
beensentoe:
I know the original cartoon was aimed at young girls, but I guess the demographic for kids today include the ones that idolize Kim Kardashian and celebrities that are famous for being famous and nothing else. There is no glamour or glitter or even fashion, just fame.

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