beeg

so yet again, here i am rambling. i had this strange feeling come over me this morning. i'm in this relationship with a really rocky past. and where right now, everything is going fantastic, every once and a while there are little thigns that really get to me. tiny little promises that get broken that eat at my brain like a parasite. and it festers. and i drink it away, i drown myself in business to not think of it. but it kills me. and it shouldn't. maybe it shouldn't. but it does. i want to scream sometimes 'you said you didn't talk to her. that she was mad and not talking to you. so why is she one of your newer friends on myspace' but even as i type that i realize how stupid and childish it is. i understand that the internet pages aren't the end all, say all, but at the same time i feel slightly betrayed. like i'm being inadvertantly lied to. i love this boy with everythign in me. anyone that knows me, knows this. i'm marrying him in less than six days. but the littles things. ah, the little things. i wish they would go away. it's not that i want him to change, i just want him to stop breaking promises. it's not that i want him to not have any females friends, i just wish he was open and honest with me about them. it doesn't feel like alot to ask.

bad days always inspire photoshoots. they make me fell good. they make me feel pretty. and hp photo editor is a great way to waste an ungodly amount of time::



*sighs* it's only 812 and i'm already tipsy. this world is a strange place.
g'night all <3