bedheadchicken

I just want you all to know that if I'm selected to run as Vice President with Obama I won't forget you. You guys mean a lot to me.

However, if I'm selected to run with McCain I plan on forgetting everyone I know.

To Do List:

1. Grocery shopping

2. deliver the head of Sancho Padillo to the rebels and collect my reward in shiney silver.

3. get brakes looked at.

4. Write that Opera based on the life of Fat Albert

5. burn my enemies to cinders and choke the rivers of Americas with the ranks of their dead.

6. feed the cat.

For those wondering, here are some completely random facts about myself:

1. I have a strange, inexplicable dislike for perfectly harmless words like "delicious". I don't know why. As a matter of fact I usually don't like hearing food described. Again, I have no idea why.

2. I've had 12 broken bones, but oddly all on the left side of my body.

3. This is...
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I'd like to ask you all to get my name tattooed on your ass. In big block letters. Across both cheeks. My name is Chris, by the way.

I know it would be helpful if my name had an "o" in it but what can you do.

Thank you all. I wanna see pictures.

Have a great weekend.

xoxo

Did you know that a baby whale is called a calf? Isn't that strange?

A baby swan is a flapper. A baby goat, of course, is a kid. A baby fish is called a fry. huh? A baby beaver is called a kitten. What?

It gets stranger. A group of alligators is officially called a congregation, which I think is funny. A group of apes...
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It's a rainy Sunday and I'm doing nothing all day. I'm going to see "Hamlet" in Central Park tonight so I'm hoping the rain ends.

I went to the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island yesterday. It's really fun. It's such a freakshow. It's one of those things that can only exist in Coney Island and New Orleans. Which is why I love those two places...
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If I hear the term "cougar" in reference to a woman over the age of 35 who has sex ONE more time I'm gonna scream.

We're a nation of infants.

that's all I have to say today.

So I get this call on Friday from this girl Jen who I know. Jen lives in PA but she was gonna be in NY for the night. She was going to a birthday party in Williamsburg or something and asked me to stop by. I didn't really want to go (because I'm lazy) but Jen is one of those people who I keep saying...
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I was helping my friend Rachel move on Sunday. First of all let me tell you that asking someone to help you move is the ULTIMATE favor you can ask. I don't think asking someone to bring your child to term in some sort of in vitro fertilization program is as big a favor as asking someone to help you move. It's a major pain...
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I'm obsessed with names lately. More specifically I'm obsessed with how unimaginative we all are in naming both people and places. I love the fact that we're all named Michael or Chris or Jennifer or Susan or whatever. I love that we all pick out of a fishbowl of names that have been used again and again and again.

And I love that pilgrims got...
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I was just out for a kind of Sunday morning walk listening to my Rachel Madow podcast. I walked around my town for a while and I was walking down the main street when a guy in a suit walks past me rather briskly and with purpose. A half a block later I see a woman looking all disheveled, like she slept in her clothes....
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So last night I was driving home from work and I pull over at a gas station down the block from me because I was long past "Empty". In NJ we don't pump the gas ourselves, so I say "Fill it up regular, please" to the guy there and start texting a friend.

Outside my car I hear "Fucking make me stand here in the...
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