beckricci

Just updated to say that I need to get out of my bathrobe and into some decent clothes and get the heck out of my house. Ive been living this Howard Hughes lifestyle too long. Im becoming so unglued in this isolation tank I call my room, that everyone is about to give up on me. I felt that once I was gifted and talented, but now Im now Im nothing. A long time ago, there was the possibility that the world could have liked me. That I could have been famous and well known; a cosmic payback for lifetime of rejection and loneliness. Who know, perhaps even be loved.

No, I take that back. I always wanted to be the average ordinary guy. Lets call him Jack Human. Hes not rich but hes loved and happy. And when he has fallen, he need not worry, because he has family and friends who can catch him. Anything less and youre not Jack Human. Youre living below the emotional poverty line. You know the type. At worse you feel a superiority over them; at best, pity. You pass them by and say to yourself, at least that isnt me. But when you get home and get a good long look at your refection, it dawns on you: Oh my God, it is me and it has been all my life!

Now I know I was just fooling myself. Whatever chance I had has already past me by. I will never be admired by anyone. I have survived almost 25 years in this cold world. I can duke it out for another 25. Or not. Im past the point of caring.